Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Living like a billionaire

Recently I was talking with a friend about what's better: having money or having friends that have money. I'm lucky enough to be part of the second group. I have friends who have awesome stuff that they share with me. From a meal to a double stroller, to a weekend at the lakehouse, these gifts are awesome.  They are not even things that I desperately need.  But they are things that make life more pleasant. And They are given in plenty.  They are given in love.  I certainly did not befriend these people so I could get stuff.  It's just a bonus of my natural friendship with them.  I think those gifts are more awesome than buying these special treats myself.  It seems like when I work hard for something (even in my job), I still complain that I didn't get paid enough for the effort put in.  How many times have I said to myself at work, "They do not pay me enough for this nonsense. "

As Americans, we believe that when we put in a lot of effort, we DESERVE to be compensated.  But what about when you get something for nothing?  That's an awesome,  unexpected, unearned gift.  Maybe you are one of those people who hates getting gifts because you feel like to have to reciprocate.  There are times that you don't have to or can't reciprocate.  Babies don't aren't forced to smile in compensation being fed. I don't have to beg my 4 year old for a hug when I get bck from work. She runs o the door every time. I can't always compensate others for the gifts that they give me, but I can give them a listening ear, the gift of time,  or a prayer for their family.  I give freely of those things, because it's what I have a lot of.  We all have different gifts to give and we want to receive different gifts from others.  Not all of those gifts can be found at the mall, or ebay or pinterest (SHOCKER!  I thought everything could be found on Pinterest!)

It reminds me of the gift of God's salvation.  What if God wanted us to work for our eternal life?  Would we ever feel like we did enough?  Or would we feel like we should get even more in return for the effort that we put in?  Would we feel like we have to give back?

Do we have to give back our time, our money, our thoughts, our prayers?  I don't think so.  God's gift cannot be earned.  He does not demand anything in return. I don't HAVE to give offering or pay tithe.  I do not HAVE to teach sabbath school or keep the sabbath faithfully.  I don't HAVE TO log in 7 hours of prayer or quiet time each week to feel like it was worth His effort.  God loves us and all He wants is for us to accept it. It's a special, unexpected, unearned, nonreciprocal gift, and it's worth billions.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Ooops, Did I offend you?

I've been thinking a lot about racism recently.  Did you know that brown people think about racism more than white people do?  It's true, if you've ever lived or even visited another country and been the minority, you might have noticed how much more AWARE that you are of your race and culture when you are around people who are different from  you.
So what's the different between racism and plain old cultural insensitivity?  Although I've grown up in a pretty diverse area, and haven't experienced much racism that I know of, I've been a victim of lots of cultural insensitivity.  Maybe you haven't thought about the difference between the two.  Let me try to explain.  (Some of these are made up examples, some have actually happened to me.)  

A waitress seating a brown family in the back of a restaurant, away from the white patrons - racism

A waitress scrunching her nose, when an Indian customer asks for hot sauce to use with her spaghetti, french fries, toast, etc... (I love hot sauce) - cultural insensitivity 

A classmate asking me if I was educated by the Christian Children's Fund  - hmmmn, racist or just rude? There may be some overlap here.

Someone looking at Eli's lunch of chappati and potato curry and saying "What's that? Gross!" - racist? culturally insensitive?  There are lots of gray areas, aren't there? 

Someone saying, " I think he's too brown to be the head of this committee." - racist

A photographer asking an Asian woman to "open her eyes" more when she smiled for a picture - culturally insensitive?  

Wow, this is hard.  I guess racism and cultural insensitivity should be taken in context.  But one thing in common with both, and is true in most any context, is that these comments are rude and can hurt people's feelings.  So what should we do about it?  When you hear or see someone being racist or culturally insensitive, should you speak up?   

I know it's hard to tell from my wordy blogs, but I am an introvert. Most of the time I don't speak up.  Unless its a close friend saying/doing something inappropriate, I let it go.  But if we (meaning ME) continue to let it go,, how is it ever going to change?  How are people going to know that what they are saying is rude to different cultural groups?  How are they going to become more AWARE?  

Much of the racism and/or cultural insensitivity that I've experienced has not been done maliciously.  But not being AWARE of your actions/words doesn't make it ok.  I think I'm gonna start to speak up more, in a nice way, just to point out and start dialogues about they way we speak about our cultural differences.  What do you think?  

Sunday, December 2, 2012

ANGRY RANT!

Some of you out there don't know this, but THIS IS A TURN SIGNAL.  Say it with me "TURN SIGNAL."  It is connected to this: 

When I see this, I can slow down or change lanes if I want to go around your slow patootie.  But if you do not use your TURN SIGNAL, we might do this:
                                                                 CRASH!!!!

At worst, this may result in a loss of life.  At best, this is going to result in the loss of my last nerve.
 
Driver's ED 101 - USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL BEFORE YOU TURN.

I know, you are in a hurry.  Maybe you are confused and can't remember what that switch is for.  Maybe you are just cruisin' along, and think that you are the only driver on the road on route 29 during 5:00 rush hour.

But guess what?!  Even if you own the last car on earth, USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL!

If I can find 2 seconds to use my turn signal,
 while simultaneously finding a great song on the radio (that has no curse words in it),
        opening a juice box for my 4 year old,
               yelling at the other two kids to stop touching each other,
                       and reading my iphone to find my way to the Adventurer Fun Day,
you can do it to.

So use the brain that God put in that thick skull of yours,
remember the drivers ed class that you took 10, 20, 30+ years ago
and USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL!

And for goodness sakes, after you make your turn, turn that thing off!  
You people are driving me crazy!


* Sorry if this post is a bit angry, but you do remember that the title of the blog                                         is angrypastorswives, right? 

Friday, November 30, 2012

The Giving Tree



December is a time for giving.  Some of it is for the holidays, giving gifts for Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza or just because.  Some people give at the end of the year to get a big tax write off.
 My parents always believed in tithing their 10% to the Adventist church. So I grew up tithing when I earned my first $10 cleaning classrooms at GBJA and that has stuck with me my whole life. I have wavered and wandered in where I choose to send my tithe, but I believe the principal in the Bible still stands.  When you give you will be blessed. I’ve seen it and I believe it. Give it a shot. 
Whatever your reasons for giving, if you have a chunk of cash that you’d like to blow through this December and you don’t know where to spend it, here are some tried and true Dixit options that you may want to put on your GIVING TREE: 
  • FOOD A couple of months ago, I got a memo in my kids backpack that our school’s PTA was starting the Blessings in a backpack program.  This is a nationwide program to give food to the kids who may not be eating enough over the weekend.  Kids in need get free or reduced breakfast and lunch in public schools.  (Tax dollars at work).  But don’t you think they get hungry on Saturdays and Sundays?  What about vacations? I cried when I got that memo.  There are kids who sit next to my kids at school who are hungry?!!!  Give to Blessings in a backpack online.  You can even specify which school your money will serve. 
  • SHELTER Some people are down on their luck this holiday.  Grassroots is a homeless shelter here in Howard County that provides food, housing and support to families that need money or resources to get back on their feet.  Think of something to give that could make their holidays special.  
  • SAFETY Domestic Violence Center of Howard County I'm not ready to tell any personal stories for this one.  I’m already feeling sad.  Domestic violence happens, and children are often the pitiful victims.  When mothers and their children leave their homes, they often take nothing with them.  You can make a monetary donation or how about giving them a stack of new pajamas?  There’s nothing like starting a new life with something new to wear to bed, when you are feeling your most vulnerable. 
  • EDUCATION After working at 3 different schools in Howard County the last 5 years, I’ve seen firsthand that there is a discrepancy in resources between the have and the have-nots, despite what the school budget report says.  Why is it that some schools have loads of technology, and rock climbing walls, and awesome libraries and some schools have nothing?  PTA.  The Parent Teacher Association, meaning the parents of the students in the school, have the ability to make big ticket donations….if they have money to give.  Yes, some parents at Clarksville Middle School  share Mimeo Boards and Christmas gift cards with our staff, while some parents at Talbot Springs Elementary School cannot afford to feed their kids over the weekend.  It’s enough to make you weep!  If you are looking for a school to donate money to, look to a local elementary school in a poor neighborhood.  Talk to the principal and see what they need.  A good principal will have a wish fund that may entice you to write a check. 
  • A NEW LIFE A couple of years ago I got to hear Wes Stafford, the president of Compassion International share his personal story and his mission to help children.  He was an amazing speaker and writer.  Check out his book Too Small to Ignore  It really did change my view of poverty.  I am a bit of a skeptic, especially about big organizations that claim to "help" children in other countries.  But after reading his book, I'm a believer in the monetary and emotional support that sponsoring a child can bring.  We sponsor 2 children and I hope to see Tracy and Daniel  grow up to lead amazing, productive lives. I want to be a part of those lives.  

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Bah Humbug!

I love to shop.  I really do. I love to dress up in something new. I love dressing my kids and my husband. I love buying things for myself and others, but I really despise Christmas shopping.
It's too much.    Too much buying, too much opening, too much eating, too much singing, too much wrapping.  It's all too much.  Maybe I have too big of a family (I am from a large extended family and I have a giant group of friends as well).  I've painfully pared my list down over the years. But it's still too much.   I still love Christmas, and I don't want to throw out the whole holiday.  Part of enjoying the season is the giving and receiving of gifts.  But how can we do this without giving in to the massive consumerism that is the US shopping industry from October-December?  How do I cut down on the gifts without seeming like a scrooge?

1.  Encourage experiences, not stuff.  My kids have too many toys.   So what should people get us for Christmas?  Experiences.  Even with only three kids, I find it very expensive to encourage them to try all the hobbies and activities that I would like them to do.  So I've encouraged my family to give them experiences for Christmas.  Take them to a concert, a play, or ice skating.  It's a fun experience for all of them together, and my gift is a quiet afternoon without the kids.  If you have family with more money than time to spend, encourage them to give you a family gift of a zoo or aquarium membership, or pay for 3 months of piano or karate lessons.  Those things add up!

2.  Limit your own gift giving to the kids.  Kumar and I believe in  3 gifts for each kid.  It was good enough for baby Jesus (Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh), and its good enough for Jaelin, Eli and Wilo.  It's hard to stick to just 3 gifts; and we do stick in some candy and other little goodies in their stockings.   I really wanted to pare down this year to 1 gift, but I've already broken that new rule.  So for Christmas, the Dixits kids will only get 3 gifts from us (one of which is always pajamas for Christmas Eve).

3.  Get your kids get involved in giving.  When Jaelin started kindergarten, she came home and told us that one of her friends couldn't afford a Christmas tree this year.  We were sad but thrilled.  (One of the reasons we sent her to public school, is to make sure that she was exposed to kids of all economic backgrounds).  We emailed the teacher and donated a tree and ornaments to the family that year.  We didn't want to embarrass the kid or make a big deal about it, so we kept it on the down low, but our kids need to know that they are lucky.  Not everyone who wants to celebrate the holiday, has the means to do so.  Adopt a family from church, school or a local shelter. Encourage your kids to brainstorm what others may want for Christmas.  If you get your kids focused on giving, they will actually enjoy the giving part of Christmas.

4.  Practice getting.  Kids don't naturally say "please" and "thank you", especially when they receive unusual gifts such as underwear or socks.  This is a learned skill.  It is important that you teach your kids how to be grateful and  polite in all circumstances.  A game that we've played before is the "Thank You Game."  I gave Jaelin a gift bag or pillow case and she ran throughout the house looking for a "present" for Eli.  While she was gone, I explained to Eli that no matter what it was, we had to find a polite and kind way to say Thank you to her, NO MATTER WHAT the gift was.  And he couldn't just say "Thanks" He had to come up with a reason why he was grateful for the gift.

"Thank you Jaelin for the socks, they'll keep my toes warm"
"Thank you Eli for the Q-tips, They will keep my ears clean"
"Thank you Jaelin for this used napkin.  I'll be able to fill up my recycling bin"

As you can see, it can get quite silly.  But I also think it's teaching the art of saying "Thank you." That's gonna come in handy with some of our relatives ;)

5.  Plan fun activities for the month of December.  Celebrate the whole season by honoring traditions or starting your own traditions.  Take the girls to see the nutcracker ballet.   Go to the symphony of lights or drive around the neighborhood looking for homemade Christmas lights.  Bake and decorate cookies. Make presents for your teachers/neighbors/friends.  Host a favorite things party.  The holiday season is great time to do some random acts of kindness.   When my kids look back at Christmas, I want them to have lots of memories, not just of opening gifts on Christmas morning.

6.  Don't forget that Jesus is the reason for the season.  The whole reason that Christians celebrate Christmas is because it gives us a chance to remember Christ's birth.  Be purposeful in teaching your children this, because the commercials on TV tell them something else.  Make it a point to read the Christmas story, watch the Christmas story, act the Christmas story and remember the Christmas story throughout the month.


With the invention of the internet (Thank you Al Gore!), I'm almost done my Christmas shopping before December 1st.  I'm awesome, cause I did most of it my pajamas.  Now I can focus on the fun part of Christmas.  YAY!!!    Maybe you have more ideas on how to really celebrate this month?  Please share!!!

Friday, November 23, 2012

A good life

Kumar's aunt in India passed away two days ago.  His father's comment was "She lived a good life."  I first thought "What a trite comment."  This woman was married at 19 and widowed by 24.  Is that a good life?  But then I got to thinking, maybe it was.  I didn't know her or her family. There is so much that goes into a life.  Maybe she was unhappy in her marriage or maybe she was happy in her marriage and never got to the unhappy part. (For you single people, marriage is hard, and there ARE unhappy days in every marriage).   Is being unmarried or widowed automatically "a bad life"?   I doubt it.  She loved her kids and her extended family and they loved her.  Kumar and his sister met her for the first time during their trip last year.  They loved her from that brief meeting.  I think she lived a good life.

Monday, November 19, 2012

And the winner is....

There's a lot of pageant hoopla right now with Allyn Rose, from Washington DC planning on a mastectomy after her performance (appearance?) in the Miss USA pageant.  I totally believe in her right to take preventative measures to secure her health, but I'm sad that she had to be a six foot tall, spray tanned,  blond bombshell to get heard.

It got me thinking about watching pageants when I was little.  When Miss USA or Miss Universe came on, I'd be so excited, with a little notebook and pen so I could keep score myself.  Who has the best hair, dress, swimsuit?  Is someone gonna trip?  Does the contestant from India have a chance?

Now as a mature woman, and a self-proclaimed feminist, I am appalled that I was allowed to watch that stuff.  I'm surprised that in 2012, women still dress up in bikinis, and sequins, with hair extensions and double-sided tape, to be JUDGED and SCORED by others!  I know I know, its to earn "scholarships."  But why are women earning scholarships for their looks?  The pageants don't even fake what's important.  Looks and poise gets you to the finals; the world peace question is only asked to the beautiful, photogenic statuesque finalists.  And they only get 30 seconds to answer.  Would men ever participate in these endeavors?  No, they compete for scholarships by bashing each others heads on the field while playing football.  Oh, that's another blog.

I know some of you pageant queens are going to be salty (angry) about my rant, but let me tell you that I love all of you pageant princesses, with or without your crowns.  You don't need to parade around in your best outfit to be loved and respected by others.

As a grown up, I can now watch these shows and know that the pageant ideal is not "normal" or even really "ideal." Hey, I may even flip channels to the Miss USA show.  But what would I be teaching my children if I allowed them to watch? I suspect that its just as detrimental to their mental and social well being as it is to watch graphic sex or violence on TV.  Kids get much more information that we know.  And they often interpret it in the wrong way.  Girls who are watching pageants or participating in pageants from ages 3 on up....what damage is that doing?  I came across a list of such damages online - obsessive competitiveness,  sexualization of young girls, and stunted growth (from too much hairspray).  I could go one and on, especially after watching 15 minutes of Honey Boo Boo on TLC ( a truly disturbing show).

Please think about what you let your kids watch and listen to. I know it's hard, I don't always do a good job of it.  But we can't just think about the obvious evils (sex, violence, language), but we should also we aware of the embedded messages in the shows that our kids watch.  All these images and experiences are molding our kids into the adults that they will one day be.
 

Thursday, November 8, 2012

What the &#^$#*&$(#

Cursing.  Cussing...whatever you call it, its everywhere.  On TV, in books, on the street. 
Everyone is cursing.  I'm cursing.  I had a clean mouth for a long time when I first had the kids, but lately I've been slipping off the bandwagon.  Maybe it's because I've been angry lately. (Angry pastors wife ;)  But I'm not just cursing at big things, I curse at little things too...a stubbed toe, stepping on a lego, jackets left on the floor.  Maybe I should just clean up around here. 

Don't worry, I almost never curse in writing, but there is something about the sound and feeling of those terrible words that just feel good coming out of my mouth. I know its wrong, and I usually feel guilty afterwards.  But those combinations of affricates and plosive sounds are soo sweet! (That's my nerdy SLP side coming out).  There's gotta be some sort of research about this.
It's a release of energy and those sound combinations just hit a nerve or release seratonin or something.   

But I am a pastor's wife, who is only sometimes angry. And more importantly, I'm a believer in the Bible.  This week in Adventurers we are studying the third commandment.  "Do not take the Lord's Name in Vain."  I'm the Adventurers Director.  I'm a Christian.  I've got to stop.  How can I curb my want/need to curse? 

Here's my plan.  It's my pre-Christmas "Lenten" plan.  From now until Christmas no cursing.  Instead,  I found a list of great "alternative" swear words.
I hope they feel as good coming out.   I'll let you know.....

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Pastor Appreciation Month!

Did you know that October was National Clergy Appreciation Month? You should - well, maybe not, it's also National Breast Cancer Awareness month, National Physical Therapy Month, National Family Sexuality Education Month, Filipino American History Month and a load of other stuff. 

But in honor of this important month that is now over, I've decided to write about my favorite things about being a pastor's wife. I'm not always angry you know (I'm only sometimes angry, usually before I've had my morning coffee), and there are some perks!
So here's my Pastor's Appreciation Top 10: 

10.  Awesome PARKING SPOT and the FIRST LADY SEAT.  I've heard that some churches have a special parking spot for their senior pastor by the door.  And they save the first seat of the first row for the "first lady"-  the pastor's wife.   We're not one of those churches but I usually get a great spot for my car and my bum because I'm at church early.  I do wonder if I'm ever a first lady, can I wear a really big hat? That would be cool.

9.  ACCESS TO THE CHURCH AT ANY TIME.  Sometimes I leave stuff at church - on a nice day, it's my coat or sunglasses; sometimes it's one of my kids' Bibles.  And when I forget, I can come by and get it at any time, because I have the church key on my keychain.  Yes!

8.  FOOD - This morning, I actually had a church member bring over a freshly baked pumpkin pie, made with pumpkins that he grew himself!!!  Score!  This is just the tip of the iceberg folks.  We get freshly baked cookies, bread, biscuits and gravy, tomatoes and apples just off the vine/tree, etc.. And they wonder why so many ministers have diabetes.  I'm not complaining, please keep the food coming!

7.  SKILLS - My husband may be very intelligent, well read and well spoken, but he is not good with his hands.  I put together the IKEA furniture in our house.  My dad comes over and fixes the garbage disposal.  We pay people to do a whole lot of odd jobs in our home; but there are some good samaritans who come over and help Kumar for free.  They help him change the ceiling fan/light fixtures, install pergo floors, set up the printer, put the training wheels on Wilo's bike.  These things do not come easy to us, so we greatly appreciate the gift of time and skilled labor that our friends and parishioners bestow on us.

Not only did some church members' bring us this bouquet of Hydrangea, they started a cutting for me, so maybe (MAYBE) I'll have a plant to show for it next year.

6.  COMPLAINTS - When I have a complaint about the heat, volume or length of a sermon, I feel like it gets heard.  Kumar may just be nodding his head absentmindedly, but I feel like he could/would get up and change the thermostat for me.  Or maybe I just know who to really ask (Collier). 

5.  SHOWERS - The minister's kids are the church's kids.  Never did I feel this more, than when I had Jaelin, my first daughter.  We moved from California to Maryland while I was pregnant, so we had baby showers at both churches, in addition to baby showers at both schools that I worked at, plus baby showers thrown by family and friends, and various baby gifts dropped off at the hospital and our home (some at 8am, sabbath morning-don't do that).  We have enough praying angel stuffed animals, kids Bibles and devotional books, and blankets for a family of 10! People are so generous when you are having a baby - I think that's why we had Wilo! (Just kidding, sorta).

4.  VACATIONS - We may not have tons of money to go on international vacations, but where-ever we can drive to, we have a place to stay.  Many of our well to do friends live in spacious digs in awesome places (Wooster B&B), own timeshares, condos or vacation homes that they invite us to.  So we go.  As long as they aren't talking church politics, we relax and enjoy their generosity.  Kumar also occasionally gets some pretty sweet speaking gigs, that allow for me to do some sightseeing and eating across the country (Vancouver, NYC, Miami, food trucks!).  Vacation to me is all about the food, and the people I share it with of course!
Best meal ever at Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill in Vegas

Best view ever at Whistler, where Kumar spoke at BC Campmeeting this summer


3. FLEX SCHEDULE - This one is a biggie.  No,  Kumar does not only work from 8-12 on sabbath morning.  But Kumar's flexible schedule has been a real blessing while we've had babies and preschoolers in the house.  I was in a lot of childcare at a young age, and although nothing really bad happened there, I didn't enjoy it.  So when I had kids,  I hoped and prayed that I wouldn't have to drag my kids around to continue working part-time.  All the problems that come with being a working mom- packing up their stuff (The bottle is in the fridge), forgotten homework (Call your dad), snow days (Aha- I'm a teacher), sick kids (good luck Kumar!), I've mostly avoided because of Kumar's flexible schedule and our parents' wonderful capacity to help out.
I've enjoyed working motherhood because of Kumar's flexibility


2.  FRIENDS - Kumar is really good at making friends.  I'm really good at keeping them.  I'm lucky to have a ginormous group of great friends; and I keep meeting and making more friends outside of my usual frame of reference (mother's room) because of Kumar's job and personality.  Sure, they know him as their pastor, but it's nice to not be lonely on a Saturday night.

1.  I actually miscalculated and only listed 9 things, so I'm gonna make one up on the fly - LOVING YOUR JOB.  Kumar sure does complain a lot, but in the end, being a pastor was what he was made to do.  I knew that when I married him.   His parents dedicated him to ministry as a baby, and as much as he hates board meetings and finance meetings, and meeting with the cleaning company, he LOVES Bible studies with people who are just getting to know Jesus.  When you love your job, it means everything!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween!




I'm a  pastor's wife who loves Halloween - am I the only one?
I've always loved Halloween.  For one, its in the fall, when the leaves are changing and the neighborhood looks beautiful one last time before the cold, dark winter.  Second reason, candy!  I don't think I need to say more about that one. Third reason - It gives families a chance to do something fun together while also meeting and greeting their neighbors.

Growing up, our neighborhood was way into trick or treating.  People would answer the door in their costumes or wait outside (on nicer evenings), saying hello to the kids and passing out candy (yum!).  Ok, sometimes grumpy people just left a bowl of goodies on their front steps, but that just meant more candy for us!  Halloween was so much fun!

I now live in a similar, fantastic neighbor who goes all out for Halloween.  We actually moved into this house right around Halloween, so our first introduction to others on our street was while Trick or Treating.  Nobody in Columbia brings over a pie anymore, but they were welcoming with their chocolate.  (And if you know me, chocolate goes way farther than pie in my house).  So once again this year,  the Dixits will be Trick or Treating.  We only make it to a couple of houses, but its enough to satiate our sweet tooth and say hello to some friends.

It's been a crazy Halloween, since it's the first day back to school after Hurricane Sandy. The kids all had their Halloween parades at school.  Jaelin and Eli's school does something great - they call it the Parade of Words.  Every kid has to have an academic  word that goes with their costume.  Second grade did compound words this year, so Eli was "Bigfoot".  Jaelin's class did verbs - although she was not very creative this year - "Sing".
Seriously, the Best Principal ever!
Men in Black costume with the verb "Neutralize" 
  
Ms. Bailey was Eli's teacher last year.  Her compound word was "Snowman" 


I loved Ms. Thompson's (the principal) costume - Where's Waldo.  She does an amazing job every year making sure the kids have fun while also learning.  For the last few years, we've also had the Oakland Mills Middle School band come (dressed in costume, of course) and play during the parade. This year they played Michael Jackson's "Thriller."  They are good!   It's enough to make me return Jaelin's violin and beg her to pick up a band instrument.

I know some Christians equate Halloween with Satan worship.  But I think celebrating Halloween doesn't mean you worship the devil, just like celebrating Christmas doesn't mean you are a Christian.  It's what we make of it.  Let's reclaim Halloween and celebrate it in a Christian way, rather than letting the baddies have all the fun.

Even if you don't want to let your kids trick or treat for Halloween, please don't turn the lights off and be a scrooge.  Open the door for your neighbors and kids.  Dress up in a Jesus/Angel/Moses outfit.  If you don't like sugary treats, give out apples or popcorn or pretzels.  Just love others in your neighborhood. I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus would do.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

The God of Angel Armies...


Yesterday I went to church without my husband, who is on sabbatical.  And there was a little bit of fear in my heart.  I’m alone, what if someone asks about him?   The circumstances around his sabbatical are raw.
I thought about dropping the kids at kids church and hiding in his office, playing Words With Friends,, but I didn’t. I’m a good Christian. I’m a good pastor’s wife. So I went into the church and sat down next to my cousin and her family.  My other best friends soon sat next to me on the other side.  I had friends in front of me, that I texted during the service in the same way I would usually whisper to Kumar.  And behind me was another set of cousins (How many cousins do I have. I’m Indian, we’re all cousins).  I felt like I had an army of angels around me, surrounding me with strength, giving me a big hug.  The sermon ended up being one that I appreciated. I felt God speaking to me, like he often does, even when I don’t know or don’t want to listen.  He’s got my back.  

I know who stands before me, I know who stands behind, the God of angel armies is always by my side. 

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Wear Pink for breast cancer


Last year when I heard about the Komen 5k, really I was just looking for a girls getaway with friends.  Sure, I also wanted to support a cause, but I didn't really know anyone closely who was fighting breast cancer. I'm relatively young and healthy, but I am a  woman, so i figured it might just be a matter of time. I would plan a girls weekend (eating and shopping) with a little exercise and good cause in mind- fighting breast cancer. It's something to worry about for the future.  

I signed up with 4 of my close friends and starting training.  The week before the race I heard some disturbing news -Kumar's former intern at New hope, a friend from his academy days in Ohio, was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 28. I barely knew her but it broke my heart. Here is an excerpt from a blog she wrote while fighting this horrible disease:

This post is dedicated to every woman who is fighting, has fought, or will have to fight breast cancer. “Never, never, never give up.” ~Winston Churchill

“Actually, it is a malignancy.” These were the five words that instantly changed my life forever. These were the words of my surgeon who was “pretty sure” two days earlier that the lump I found in my chest a few months before was just a cyst or dense breast tissue. Nothing to be too concerned about. “Of course, there is always the possibility of cancer,” he told me, “but not a large one.” I clung tight to these words and went in for my biopsy ready to just get it over with and head back to New York where I was living and loving my cancer-free life. Two days later I was told I have invasive ductal carcinoma. I have cancer.

I wrote these words nine months ago, just days before heading in for my double mastectomy where I would wake up to be informed that the cancer had spread and was stage three. I was 28 years old. Today I will wake up and head to the hospital for treatment for the very. last. time. Sadly, the hospital has become more of a home to me over the last year. I know a majority of the workers there, many of them read my blog and pray for me daily. They are my family. They saved my life.

I prayed for Abby and followed her blog.  This fall, Abby got the good news that she was (and is) cancer free.  Yay! But since last year I've had to pray for numerous other friends who were diagnosed with breast cancer. Turns out that being being young and healthy isn't enough protection from the realities of disease. This year I didn't get to run the Komen 5k but i wear pink this week to show all of the fighters and survivors of breast cancer that i love, support and pray for them regularly.

Abby Ramirez wrote about her journey with breast cancer at her blog Upper Trunk.  She recently moved to the Baltimore Washington area and we hope she'll soon be a visitor at New hope.  Her story "Surviving Breast Cancer as a Young Adult" was also published  in Washingtonian magazine, October 19, 2012

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Who is special?


"Penny is both created in God's image and fallen from grace—like everyone else,"  Amy Julia Becker writes about her daughter with Down Syndrome for Christianity Today . "By giving me a new understanding of God's view of perfection, Penny has offered us a way to participate more fully in the body of Christ as Being fully human implies understanding ourselves as creatures," she wrote. "A major aspect of recognizing my humanity meant recognizing that I am vulnerable, needy, dependent, and limited. Just like my daughter."

This quote literally blew my mind.  I admit, I've been obsessed with quotes recently. I've-been pinning them constantly, imagining painting and crocheting them as part of the  decorating schemes in my head.  But this quote was one the first one I made my status on Facebook.

It changed the way that I see my job, it changed the way that I see my kids, it changed the way I see myself.  I'm a speech language pathologist. I love my job, because I love to teach and work with people, and I feel like I'm making difference in this world, I'm helping these poor kids with disabilities,  but after reading this quote I realize that we all have disabilities, whether others see them immediately, and label us in their heads or on an IEP, whether we realize or never realize  our limitations ourselves. The Biblical truth is : We cannot do it all.

Five years ago when I was pregnant with my bonus baby,a child longed and prayed for and conceived before I was 34. ( after all I do work in special Ed), at our 20 week ultrasound we were told that the baby had heart calcifications.  The ultrasound room was silent as the radiologist measured the baby and questioned me and my husband about our ages and bloodwork.  The last words I remember him saying is that the findings put us at risk for the baby being born with Down Syndrome.

I was devastated. I cried the whole way home, but somehow managed to talk to my friends about it in the month we had to wait for another ultrasound.  In that time, I tried to reimagine my life as a apparent of a special needs child. Perhaps I'd have to quit my job to drive him/her to various therapies, fend off the questions about my child on the playground, and balance the attention that my other two kids wanted with the needs of my "special child." These are things that I see the parents of my students do every day, as a look at them and say to myself, "wow, that must be difficult."

I imagined myself the martyr, a willing and loving mom who would do anything for her child.  I never imagined that I too am a vulnerable, needed, limited, mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, child of God.  all of the people who love me anyway recognize my limitations and here I am thinking that they are the lucky ones to have ME.  Wrong wrong wrong.  I thank them for loving me despite my temper, impatience, abruptness, vanity, etc.... i could go on and on. More than anything I thank the one who knows more of my weaknesses than any other, yet loves more than any other.

Maybe God didn't think I was ready for this lesson 4 years ago, when needy, dependent, loud, funny yet rebellious Wilomina Grace Dixit was born without Down Syndrome.  Perfect in the eyes of the doctors and nurses and her parents and family.  But she is imperfect in the eyes of God. I  think of what great knowledge that I missed out on by not having that experience of what surely would have been a blessing in disguise.  At least now, and I hope forever, when I look at a child or an adults who is may be classified as an "individual with a disability" I see myself.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Your pastor is not.....


Your pastor is a person who is trained to provide spiritual guidance over a congregation of people.  This person usually has skills in preaching, teaching, Bible interpretation and leadership.  They usually need interpersonal skills, counseling skills, musical talent, and media savvy and financial competence.  Occasionally they have skills in other areas as well.  Because they often try to be EVERYTHING to the people of their congregations, church members often get confused and think that their pastors hold other jobs for their congregations.  I just want to clear things up.  Your pastor is not your taxi driver, your personal ATM, your plumber or your mother.  I understand, there are some gray areas…so I’ve made a little list to help you decide whom to call in the following emergencies….

When you want to learn more about the Bible……………………… call/email YOUR PASTOR
When you want to make a donation to a good charity……………… call/email YOUR PASTOR
When you want premarital counseling………………………………call /email YOUR PASTOR
When you want to volunteer to start a new ministry…………………call/email YOUR PASTOR

When the music is too loud at church…………………………………call/email the music minister
When you haven’t received your end of the year giving statement…call/email the church treasurer
When you want to reserve the church fellowship hall……………… call/email the church secretary
When your child heard an inappropriate word in their Bible class….call/email the kids Bible teacher

When your child gets an F on her math test…………………………call/email their teacher
When your dishwasher breaks……………………………………………….call a plumber
When you are having chest pains…………………………………………………..call 911
When you need a ride to the airport……………………………call a friend or Super Shuttle

When you are planning your child’s 1st birthday party and need someone to dress up as ELMO…………           CALL YOUR BEST FRIEND!!!!!

I know at most contemporary (ie. Rocknroll) churches these days, the pastors seem pretty cool.  But you have to remember, that this is their job.  No matter how friendly or kind your pastor is, your pastor is not your best friend.  This may be a shock to some of you.  But it’s really hard for pastors to be good friends with their parishioners and still maintain the role as spiritual leader/mentor in their lives.

I don’t want to make it seem like pastors don’t ever want to hear from you.  By all means, ask them to pray for your MCAT exams, invite them to your children’s birthday parties, bug them about the music/heat/length of their sermons, but do it during church/business hours.  Problems with work/life balance are the biggest predictor of ministerial burnout.  If you really love your pastor in his/her role, love him/her as a person and a friend too… and respect those boundaries or be willing to take no for an answer.