Every day is not a party...and nor should it be. The kids and I have been killing time at my parents house before we leave for Vancouver on wednesday. Originally, I thought this would be fun. Its summer. we can go out - no school, no schedule, no work, no chores. but after a 3 week vacation in Europe and 2 weeks in Maryland trying to have "fun" everyday - sightseeing, chuck e cheese, mini golf, and countless parties and playdates, I'm looking forward to the tedium of every day life.
I want meals at home and regular bedtimes every night and the kids getting ready for another day at school. I want school, and work and grocery shopping, and THEN I want to play. Some may think I'm crazy. But I believe the best highs follow lows. The most beautiful sunshine follows days of rain. Great big Belly laughs follow sobs and tears. The Excitement of success follows the drudgery of practice. the rest of the Sabbath follows 6 days of Labor. Maybe God knew what he was doing.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Who's your pastor?
Everybody needs a pastor. A pastor is probably not someone you sit and listen to every week at church or on TV, but you need a real "spiritual overseer", someone you know and who knows you, someone to pray with and cry with and to be accountable to. In most cases, this is not the minister at your church.
This may be your best friend, if your best friend is not just the person you eat, shop, and gossip with (not that there is not a time and place for that); but ONLY if you talk with your best friend about the little things in your life. By little things, I mean the big things. The things that you secretly worry about at night (Worries like "Is that spot on my back cancer>", "Does my kid have a learning disability?" or "Should marriage be this hard?").
If you are a Christian, this person should be able to talk you down from those emotional cliffs in a sensible and Biblical way. I have a pastor, maybe a few pastors in my life, and none of them are my husband or my church pastors. Don't get me wrong. I love listening to the sermons at my church. I often find great spiritual truths in them that I can apply to my life, but those are not the people I share my real spiritual life with. In fact, I've always hated "pastoral visits" where you pretend to tell your pastor your problems so they can pray with you. I can't really share my spiritual journey with someone in a 1 hour luncheon.
The deepest, most memorable, spiritual conversations I've had with my "pastors" has been sitting by the hot tub debating whether God has ONE plan for my life or if there is more than one RIGHT path. Some of the most heart wrenching sermons have taken place on the couch at the vacation condo, spilling my heart to my "pastors." The real convictions come out when my "pastor" is calling me out about something over a cup of coffee. I don't always know the right answers afterwards, but I know that someone who knows God and knows me, knows my heart. And they will follow up on our conversation, supporting and loving me all the way. That's a pastor.
As a pastor's wife, I keep hearing about the stress in many pastor's lives, and I sincerely think it's because they often don't have their own pastor. Someone has to be the pastor's pastor. Who can it be? It usually can't be a church member, because if you knew the humanity of your pastor, it might be hard to still put them on that pastoral pedestal (which they shouldn't be on anyway). A pastor may have another pastor as their pastor. That sometimes works well, because they understand the calling and the person. A pastor may have a best friend from childhood as their pastor. That person knew them before they had a "title." We are more than our titles. We are people and we are pastors. And I believe EVERYBODY needs a pastor.
This may be your best friend, if your best friend is not just the person you eat, shop, and gossip with (not that there is not a time and place for that); but ONLY if you talk with your best friend about the little things in your life. By little things, I mean the big things. The things that you secretly worry about at night (Worries like "Is that spot on my back cancer>", "Does my kid have a learning disability?" or "Should marriage be this hard?").
If you are a Christian, this person should be able to talk you down from those emotional cliffs in a sensible and Biblical way. I have a pastor, maybe a few pastors in my life, and none of them are my husband or my church pastors. Don't get me wrong. I love listening to the sermons at my church. I often find great spiritual truths in them that I can apply to my life, but those are not the people I share my real spiritual life with. In fact, I've always hated "pastoral visits" where you pretend to tell your pastor your problems so they can pray with you. I can't really share my spiritual journey with someone in a 1 hour luncheon.
The deepest, most memorable, spiritual conversations I've had with my "pastors" has been sitting by the hot tub debating whether God has ONE plan for my life or if there is more than one RIGHT path. Some of the most heart wrenching sermons have taken place on the couch at the vacation condo, spilling my heart to my "pastors." The real convictions come out when my "pastor" is calling me out about something over a cup of coffee. I don't always know the right answers afterwards, but I know that someone who knows God and knows me, knows my heart. And they will follow up on our conversation, supporting and loving me all the way. That's a pastor.
As a pastor's wife, I keep hearing about the stress in many pastor's lives, and I sincerely think it's because they often don't have their own pastor. Someone has to be the pastor's pastor. Who can it be? It usually can't be a church member, because if you knew the humanity of your pastor, it might be hard to still put them on that pastoral pedestal (which they shouldn't be on anyway). A pastor may have another pastor as their pastor. That sometimes works well, because they understand the calling and the person. A pastor may have a best friend from childhood as their pastor. That person knew them before they had a "title." We are more than our titles. We are people and we are pastors. And I believe EVERYBODY needs a pastor.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
One of us is Crazy.....
And I'm pretty sure its YOU! - (hilarious title of a book about marriage peddled at A Weekend to Remember)
I'm not a typical oeey gooey pastor's wife (Piano playing, casserole baking, home schooling church lady standing faithfully beside my man with a big fake smile on my face.) So I've resisted things like "Women of Faith" and Weekend to Remember" conferences thinking that they are really hokey. But lately, I must be getting soft. I went o Women of Faith a couple of years ago and loved it. I've started reading my hubby's Christianity Today magazine cover to cover and quoting it to him, and now I attended my first "Weekend to Remember" marriage conference.
Despite being encouraged by many church members of other pastoral couples that the conference was worth our time, Kumar and I always scoffed at the idea. I thought these weekends were kind of hokey, meant for country bumpkin couples who want to confirm their "respect, obey and submit" type marriage. Who knew we would be delightfully surprised?
Location: Hershey, Pennsylvania. The sweetest place on earth, over Valentines Day weekend, no kids - what's not to like? Hershey is just a few hours away from where we live, so its a perfect weekend getaway. The hotel is cozy in winter - lots of fireplaces and comfy couches, and there's great restaurants (I must have put on 3 pounds in the weekend alone) and Outlet shopping nearby. Although trying on clothes after those yummy chocolate desserts is not recommended.
Lessons Learned: Kumar and I want to be married a long, long time, and we recognize that we need help with that goal. Even perfect couples grow and change. Life throws us all kinds of surprises, and staying together through these problems requires work.
The sessions are fairly basic, covering communication styles, gender differences and a Biblical perspective. Sure, you could probably learn this stuff by reading a book together. But are you and your spouse really going to read a book together about marriage? For me it's like working out. I can exercise in my home, but somehow if I'm doing yoga in the living room, after about 15 minutes, I end up sitting on the couch with a snack. However, when I'm at the gym, with a live instructor and 20 other people watching, I worker harder and last the whole hour.
There's something nice about knowing that other couples have similar or different issues as yours (we ALL have issues), and hearing strategies to work on your specific deficits. Sure, there were parts that I thought were basic and I did hear more about child rearing than the feminist side of me wanted to. But for the most part, I think they handled it all well.
Surprises: I didn't feel preached at in a bad way. I didn't feel like it was hokey. I even felt they handled controversial issues like physical/emotional abuse and sex in a thoughtful way.
The only downer for me was that the men at the conference did most of the talking. Even in the video clips that where they showed psychologists and marriage therapists talking about marriage, they were all men. What's up with that? Are women not respected in this field? The American Psychological Association reports that in 2005 "nearly 72 percent of new PhD and PsyDs entering psychology were women." I'm not sure if this is the norm at these conferences, since the website lists its speakers in couples. But my experience, (adding to with my past negative experiences with gender equality within Christianity) was a little patriarchal.
I was happily surprised to see that their materials were well balanced in terms of racial equality. There were all sorts of people there, couples like the one I described at the beginning of the blog, other couples who were fully tatooed and pierced, and then many "normal" couples like me. All wanting to improve their marriages.
If your relationship could a push in the right direction, we havea special savings code for people that we refer. Enter NEW HOPE FULTON, when registering for a weekend to remember getaways at any location. There are also special military and pastor rates. We're all imperfect people, on this imperfect earth, trying to make our lives "perfect" - stop faking it and get real.
Monday, February 11, 2013
One day at a time
This morning, I turned on the computer to find out that Pope Benedict is resigning. Wow! He says that he no longer has the mental or physical strength to cope with his ministry. Pope Benedict is 85 years old. The median age of the 10 oldest popes on record is 85.6, so maybe it was a good move, physically and mentally. But it really made me think- If you've been called by God, can you resign from ministry?
Most of us lay people serve in ministries as a side interest, taking on new ministries and resigning from ministries as our busy lives and interests allow. But what about pastors?
There are some people who become pastors, maybe because they didn't know what to major in at college. But others have been called by God. Kumar says that he's always known he was going to be a pastor. He was dedicated by his parents to pastors ministry as a baby. Luckily, he also grew up with the talents and interest in pursuing a profession in leading others to Christ. He started his career fairly young, age 20. Does that mean he must be a pastor until age 67-70? Or can he resign now after 20 years of ministry and pursue a new career? Are you called by God to the same ministry forever?
What about the mental and physical demands of ministry? Pastors work a weird schedule. They work 24-7. If someone is in the hospital in the middle of the night. You're on. Holidays - Christmas and Easter, you're not only on, but you are usually working overtime (with no overtime pay). Even if you are off, and on vacation, you end up running into church members and once again, you're on. What does that do to your mental and physical strength? The Adventist church gives pastors sabbaticals to rest and refresh their bodies and minds. But why are there still so many pastors who leave ministry? And take it from me, an angry pastors' wife, there are many more pastors out there who WANT to leave ministry.
I think its because its a futile job. Just like my field of special education. We are working every day with people who can't, don't want to, and maybe never will reach their full potential. That's really frustrating. How do we cope? For teachers, we live for summer vacation and graduation, knowing we've done our best with these students and hope that someone else will find a new and different way to reach them later in life. Some pastors do the same. They move on after 3-5 years, so someone new can try to inspire this uninspired lot. Or they move on to bigger and better things (Conference positions, healthcare administration, etc..) where the big bucks are.
I think pastors, teachers, nurses, anyone in a "people" industry should leave their positions once they no longer care. Actually, this applies to all jobs. If you work at Starbucks and you don't care about my drink, please resign. If you're a mechanic and you don't care about my car, resign! If you work in Congress and don't care about our country, please leave.
It's a struggle to keep caring about others, even when they don't want your care and concern.
God does this every day. He won't resign because of a lack of physical and emotional strength to deal with us pesky humans. Maybe he'll give me the power to continue to deal with the people around me, one day at a time.
Most of us lay people serve in ministries as a side interest, taking on new ministries and resigning from ministries as our busy lives and interests allow. But what about pastors?
There are some people who become pastors, maybe because they didn't know what to major in at college. But others have been called by God. Kumar says that he's always known he was going to be a pastor. He was dedicated by his parents to pastors ministry as a baby. Luckily, he also grew up with the talents and interest in pursuing a profession in leading others to Christ. He started his career fairly young, age 20. Does that mean he must be a pastor until age 67-70? Or can he resign now after 20 years of ministry and pursue a new career? Are you called by God to the same ministry forever?
What about the mental and physical demands of ministry? Pastors work a weird schedule. They work 24-7. If someone is in the hospital in the middle of the night. You're on. Holidays - Christmas and Easter, you're not only on, but you are usually working overtime (with no overtime pay). Even if you are off, and on vacation, you end up running into church members and once again, you're on. What does that do to your mental and physical strength? The Adventist church gives pastors sabbaticals to rest and refresh their bodies and minds. But why are there still so many pastors who leave ministry? And take it from me, an angry pastors' wife, there are many more pastors out there who WANT to leave ministry.
I think its because its a futile job. Just like my field of special education. We are working every day with people who can't, don't want to, and maybe never will reach their full potential. That's really frustrating. How do we cope? For teachers, we live for summer vacation and graduation, knowing we've done our best with these students and hope that someone else will find a new and different way to reach them later in life. Some pastors do the same. They move on after 3-5 years, so someone new can try to inspire this uninspired lot. Or they move on to bigger and better things (Conference positions, healthcare administration, etc..) where the big bucks are.
I think pastors, teachers, nurses, anyone in a "people" industry should leave their positions once they no longer care. Actually, this applies to all jobs. If you work at Starbucks and you don't care about my drink, please resign. If you're a mechanic and you don't care about my car, resign! If you work in Congress and don't care about our country, please leave.
It's a struggle to keep caring about others, even when they don't want your care and concern.
God does this every day. He won't resign because of a lack of physical and emotional strength to deal with us pesky humans. Maybe he'll give me the power to continue to deal with the people around me, one day at a time.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Things Every Praise Singer Should Know
The snarky part of me wants you to read this like a David Letterman top 10 list (Can you tell that I am a child of the 80s)?
It's a little direct, and if you are hurt by this, because you are one of those people onstage, please know that I'm just saying what everyone else is saying.... behind your back.
10. The tune - duh.
9. The words - If you aren't naturally talented at learning the words to songs, read them on the screen or on paper. Don't fake it. We can tell that you are just repeating "Watermelon, bubblegum, watermelon"
8. Your audience - If you are singing in a nursing home, you are probably going to pick a different set than if you are singing to a group of teens. Not all congregations are that obvious about what they like, but if the group isn't singing, they probably don't like your choice of music. Watch the audience and figure out what they like. You are the leader, but you aren't leading if no one is following.
7. Why Music is Important to Worship - Even in the year 2013, some people are not on the "praise music" bandwagon. As a leader in this ministry, you should know and be able to articulate why praise music is a valid (and not Satanic) form of worship for your congregation
6. The band - Unless you sing only a capella at your church, you should probably know your musicians. You don't need to know how to play all their instruments; but since they are such a vital part of your ministry, and they can be temperamental (sometimes, please don't throw your drumsticks at me), you should probably know their names, some general info about their instruments, and what kind of coffee they like sabbath morning ;) A musician who loves you or hates you while you are singing can make or break you.
5. The sound man - Likewise, feedback or questionable mixing by the sound man can make you and your team sound really great or really really really bad. Become friends with the sound man or woman, and you WILL sound better.
4. Body Language - I've been at a church service or two, where the singers were really distracting. Think about Celine Dion - beautiful voice (can't be denied) + distracting body language = the butt of many jokes on Saturday Night Live. Her awkward body language makes her a laughingstock to many people. Body movement can be taught and improved upon. If people giggle when you are dancing, you may want to consider evaluating your body language when you are onstage.
3. How to transition/finish - My least favorite song during praise is "I can sing of your love forever" sung forever. Sorry God, maybe in heaven I'll be able to sing and never get tired, but right now, I want the "One more time" to stop. Sing a song that everyone loves, then end the song. Make us want more.
2. Being Genuine is not enough - This is the hard truth. If you are not a good hair stylist, I wouldn't let you cut my hair, not matter how much you LOVE doing it. If even if tell me that it's your God-given talent, the thing that makes you happy. No scissors for you! Same goes for the praise team. If you love to sing and you are not good at it, sing with gusto - from your seat. Not onstage.
1. How to take criticism - The truth is hard to accept, and sometimes hurts your feelings. But if someone loves you enough to tell you the truth, for your own good, find a way to learn from it. In the end, it will make you a better person.
It's a little direct, and if you are hurt by this, because you are one of those people onstage, please know that I'm just saying what everyone else is saying.... behind your back.
10. The tune - duh.
9. The words - If you aren't naturally talented at learning the words to songs, read them on the screen or on paper. Don't fake it. We can tell that you are just repeating "Watermelon, bubblegum, watermelon"
8. Your audience - If you are singing in a nursing home, you are probably going to pick a different set than if you are singing to a group of teens. Not all congregations are that obvious about what they like, but if the group isn't singing, they probably don't like your choice of music. Watch the audience and figure out what they like. You are the leader, but you aren't leading if no one is following.
7. Why Music is Important to Worship - Even in the year 2013, some people are not on the "praise music" bandwagon. As a leader in this ministry, you should know and be able to articulate why praise music is a valid (and not Satanic) form of worship for your congregation
6. The band - Unless you sing only a capella at your church, you should probably know your musicians. You don't need to know how to play all their instruments; but since they are such a vital part of your ministry, and they can be temperamental (sometimes, please don't throw your drumsticks at me), you should probably know their names, some general info about their instruments, and what kind of coffee they like sabbath morning ;) A musician who loves you or hates you while you are singing can make or break you.
5. The sound man - Likewise, feedback or questionable mixing by the sound man can make you and your team sound really great or really really really bad. Become friends with the sound man or woman, and you WILL sound better.
4. Body Language - I've been at a church service or two, where the singers were really distracting. Think about Celine Dion - beautiful voice (can't be denied) + distracting body language = the butt of many jokes on Saturday Night Live. Her awkward body language makes her a laughingstock to many people. Body movement can be taught and improved upon. If people giggle when you are dancing, you may want to consider evaluating your body language when you are onstage.
3. How to transition/finish - My least favorite song during praise is "I can sing of your love forever" sung forever. Sorry God, maybe in heaven I'll be able to sing and never get tired, but right now, I want the "One more time" to stop. Sing a song that everyone loves, then end the song. Make us want more.
2. Being Genuine is not enough - This is the hard truth. If you are not a good hair stylist, I wouldn't let you cut my hair, not matter how much you LOVE doing it. If even if tell me that it's your God-given talent, the thing that makes you happy. No scissors for you! Same goes for the praise team. If you love to sing and you are not good at it, sing with gusto - from your seat. Not onstage.
1. How to take criticism - The truth is hard to accept, and sometimes hurts your feelings. But if someone loves you enough to tell you the truth, for your own good, find a way to learn from it. In the end, it will make you a better person.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Lost in Translation
Today I was studying Shakespeare with my 8th graders when it occurred to me- if I had this kind of explicit instruction on the Bible, maybe I would enjoy reading it more. Face it, most of us Gen Xers grew up with the King James Version. If you went to a conservative Christian school like me, you were taught that the KJV was practically breathed by God. My Bible teacher used to call the NIV - the New International Perversion. I've since learned to distinguish between translations and paraphrased versions of the Bible and I believe each can be used while talking and listening to God.
Twenty years later, I'm teaching my kids the stories from the Bible and they are beginning to read it by themselves. They have access to many versions, some of which I want to share with you, and others I'd like to warn you about.
1. For toddlers and preschoolers, any book with Jesus' picture is fine, right? We are just introducing them to the idea of God's word. In our baby sabbath school, we used to just look into little felt books and find a sticker of Jesus inside. The Bible is what we use to read God's word. That's the basic concept. Wilo (my 4 year old) loves taking a Bible to church. I like that she feels that's a necessity, but sometimes it's just one more thing I have to carry. :( Small price to pay for a Bible-loving child.
2. The Action Bible - pretty cool, right? Eli (my 7 year year old son)started with the Manga Messiah, which is also a good read, but it only contained the New Testament. After it reading it through 5 times, we bought him the action Bible. It can be a little graphic, but the Bible is pretty graphic. We try to talk about what he reads, but since he is zooming through it, and he's only 8 - I do wonder if the violence gets to him. But compared to the scary Revelation seminars, I used to go to as a child, it's probably nothing. Kids these days are such wimps.
3. When Jaelin started getting into reading the Bible (around 7-8) we bought her a life application Bible. It's purple and cute and is a translated version, good right? It also has character studies and how to apply the Bible to your life - more good - NOT! She enjoyed reading those "Dear Abby" type question and answers in there and ended up asking me what "weed" was - yup. WEED, POT, MARIJUANA! I had to explain drugs to my 8 year old because she learned about it from her Bible. Not happy with this version. I would have preferred to get her a Bible (with nothing else in it) and an age appropriate devotional book. I'm not sure that preteens are able to distinguish whether what they are reading is God's word and what's commentary.
4. But here's an even worse option. ..The Bible as a teeny bopper girls magazine! Are you kidding me? The reviews on this one are pretty harsh, "Girls please don't short change your self ever by thinking you are too stupid to understand something as complex as a book. There is more to you than make-up and boy angst. You were born with a brain because God wanted you to use it, not so that it could be used by those around you." - I love that quote. I actually love fashion magazines, but let's not pretend that they are God's word.
5. The Street Bible - kind of intriguing, isn't it? I don't own this one, but I'm thinking of buying it. I, like most educated young people in the US, can use and interpret a few different dialects. I read Jane Austen and understand it. I listen to rap and understand the messages. I've gone to Indian church and totally followed the sermon. I may be monolingual but I have some language skills. So this may be a good addition, just to see what Jesus would really say to the homeless man on the subway.
5. This one is my favourite. It's always with me, cause it's on my phone. I can read the verse of the day if I have just a minute. I can follow the pastor's sermon at church. I can even read a passage and compare many different versions to see what "speaks" to me at the moment. The New Living Translation is the best one for me right now- but language is a living, ever changing thing.
What it comes down to, is that you can't read the Bible, just like you can't read the newspaper or a medical journal or any piece of Nonfiction writing without considering the author/translator/publisher and his/her views. Our biases are present in all that we produce (our writings, videos, photography and our kids). Acknowledging those biases and get on with your life.
Twenty years later, I'm teaching my kids the stories from the Bible and they are beginning to read it by themselves. They have access to many versions, some of which I want to share with you, and others I'd like to warn you about.
1. For toddlers and preschoolers, any book with Jesus' picture is fine, right? We are just introducing them to the idea of God's word. In our baby sabbath school, we used to just look into little felt books and find a sticker of Jesus inside. The Bible is what we use to read God's word. That's the basic concept. Wilo (my 4 year old) loves taking a Bible to church. I like that she feels that's a necessity, but sometimes it's just one more thing I have to carry. :( Small price to pay for a Bible-loving child. 
2. The Action Bible - pretty cool, right? Eli (my 7 year year old son)started with the Manga Messiah, which is also a good read, but it only contained the New Testament. After it reading it through 5 times, we bought him the action Bible. It can be a little graphic, but the Bible is pretty graphic. We try to talk about what he reads, but since he is zooming through it, and he's only 8 - I do wonder if the violence gets to him. But compared to the scary Revelation seminars, I used to go to as a child, it's probably nothing. Kids these days are such wimps.
5. This one is my favourite. It's always with me, cause it's on my phone. I can read the verse of the day if I have just a minute. I can follow the pastor's sermon at church. I can even read a passage and compare many different versions to see what "speaks" to me at the moment. The New Living Translation is the best one for me right now- but language is a living, ever changing thing.
What it comes down to, is that you can't read the Bible, just like you can't read the newspaper or a medical journal or any piece of Nonfiction writing without considering the author/translator/publisher and his/her views. Our biases are present in all that we produce (our writings, videos, photography and our kids). Acknowledging those biases and get on with your life.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
From the pulpit
I try to stay away from the pulpit. I hate being on stage in front of people. But time to time (pastor's appreciation, Adventurers, etc...) I am forced to stand up there in the bright light for everyone to see and talk about. (Can you hear my introvert insecurity?) When I'm up there, I'm always surprised at what a vantage point pastors and the praise team has to observe what's really going on at church. Sometimes when I'm sitting in the audience, I think no one is looking at me. But really, everyone on stage can see you. And sometimes they are surprised at what you are doing down there. Maybe I should start a Dear Abby type column about appropriate church behavior. Because people just don't seem to know what's ok. For starters, here's some of the things that angry pastors wives and their husbands hate to see you doing in your pew (or chair) at church:
1. Texting - I know some of us have our Bibles on our phones these days, fine. But checking Facebook, Word with Friends, or the Groupon deal of the day is really inappropriate. And we can see it from behind you, next to you and from the pulpit.
2. Eating - A piece of gum or hard candy is no big deal. I sometimes need that sugar rush to get me through the service. But sometimes things go too far. I've actually seen someone eating a sausage patty during the sermon. I know there's a million 6 meal a day diets out there right now, but once a week, please time your protein snacks around the 1 hour that you are at church.
3. Painting your nails - I hope I don't have to explain this one. Painting, clipping or filing of your nails should be done in the privacy of your home or a salon. The same goes for cleaning your ears, flossing your teeth, and brushing your hair. And all you touchy feely couples out there - hold hands or put an arm around your spouse to show affection. Kissing, nuzzling, massaging and playing with their hair is over the line. Get a room.
4. Disciplining your child - My favorite offensive move is putting your hand over your screaming child's mouth. Sometimes this is a quick move that you need to do to get your child out of the sanctuary quickly. No problem. I'm a parent and I know that kids have outbursts. It's a part of life. But if you are holding your hand over their mouth while they scream continuously for 10+ seconds, you are being inappropriate. The same goes for pinching your child, scolding, or slapping. Have a gentle talk with your unruly child - in the lobby or restroom please!
5. Making change out of the offering plate - First of all, this is 2013, why are you carrying cash? Secondly, are you only willing to give God your ones? If all you have is a 5 or 10, why don't you give it all - are you going to miss the change THAT much? If you can afford to tip the barista at Starbucks, you can probably afford to tip God. If all you've got are bigger bills, and you ran out of checks, and don't own a computer or smartphone, go out to the office or back of the church and ask the treasurer for change. The rest of us in your row do not want to watch your lengthy bank transaction.
6. Making rude facial expressions - I'm probably most guilty of this one. It's hard to fake it sometimes. Try to remember that the pastor/worship team/prayer leader CAN SEE YOU. No matter how bad the music or grammatical error, Do not roll your eyes. If the prayer warrior starts speaking in tongues or the dancers wave their flags into your personal space, try to stay neutral. They will see you giggling and be offended. It may be what you want to do, but its not very polite.
7. Gossiping about your week - I know church is a social place. We greet our friends, make plans for lunch or remind each other of special events, but save this stuff for the hallway. It's distracting to all those around you as well as the people onstage.
It's hard to keep all of these things from interrupting our worship. I find myself wanting to do many of the above things during church, but I have to stop, and control myself. Going to church is about worship. FOCUS REJ FOCUS! Attention is a learned skill. It's not inborn. But when you train your mind to stay clear and open to God, you can hear Him talking to you and through you.
No one is forcing you to go to church. If you've got better things to do than worship God, why are you at church? Go home, hang out in the parking lot or meet your friends after church for lunch. You aren't fooling God or anyone else. You are just fooling yourself into thinking that you are church-going Christian. That's not my issue. That's between you and God. Just stop trying to take me down with you!
1. Texting - I know some of us have our Bibles on our phones these days, fine. But checking Facebook, Word with Friends, or the Groupon deal of the day is really inappropriate. And we can see it from behind you, next to you and from the pulpit.
2. Eating - A piece of gum or hard candy is no big deal. I sometimes need that sugar rush to get me through the service. But sometimes things go too far. I've actually seen someone eating a sausage patty during the sermon. I know there's a million 6 meal a day diets out there right now, but once a week, please time your protein snacks around the 1 hour that you are at church.
3. Painting your nails - I hope I don't have to explain this one. Painting, clipping or filing of your nails should be done in the privacy of your home or a salon. The same goes for cleaning your ears, flossing your teeth, and brushing your hair. And all you touchy feely couples out there - hold hands or put an arm around your spouse to show affection. Kissing, nuzzling, massaging and playing with their hair is over the line. Get a room.
4. Disciplining your child - My favorite offensive move is putting your hand over your screaming child's mouth. Sometimes this is a quick move that you need to do to get your child out of the sanctuary quickly. No problem. I'm a parent and I know that kids have outbursts. It's a part of life. But if you are holding your hand over their mouth while they scream continuously for 10+ seconds, you are being inappropriate. The same goes for pinching your child, scolding, or slapping. Have a gentle talk with your unruly child - in the lobby or restroom please!
5. Making change out of the offering plate - First of all, this is 2013, why are you carrying cash? Secondly, are you only willing to give God your ones? If all you have is a 5 or 10, why don't you give it all - are you going to miss the change THAT much? If you can afford to tip the barista at Starbucks, you can probably afford to tip God. If all you've got are bigger bills, and you ran out of checks, and don't own a computer or smartphone, go out to the office or back of the church and ask the treasurer for change. The rest of us in your row do not want to watch your lengthy bank transaction.
6. Making rude facial expressions - I'm probably most guilty of this one. It's hard to fake it sometimes. Try to remember that the pastor/worship team/prayer leader CAN SEE YOU. No matter how bad the music or grammatical error, Do not roll your eyes. If the prayer warrior starts speaking in tongues or the dancers wave their flags into your personal space, try to stay neutral. They will see you giggling and be offended. It may be what you want to do, but its not very polite.
7. Gossiping about your week - I know church is a social place. We greet our friends, make plans for lunch or remind each other of special events, but save this stuff for the hallway. It's distracting to all those around you as well as the people onstage.
It's hard to keep all of these things from interrupting our worship. I find myself wanting to do many of the above things during church, but I have to stop, and control myself. Going to church is about worship. FOCUS REJ FOCUS! Attention is a learned skill. It's not inborn. But when you train your mind to stay clear and open to God, you can hear Him talking to you and through you.
No one is forcing you to go to church. If you've got better things to do than worship God, why are you at church? Go home, hang out in the parking lot or meet your friends after church for lunch. You aren't fooling God or anyone else. You are just fooling yourself into thinking that you are church-going Christian. That's not my issue. That's between you and God. Just stop trying to take me down with you!
Friday, January 11, 2013
sMOTHER!
I'm in that stage of parenthood where finally I can withdraw just a little of the over protectiveness that characterized the infant and preschool days of my children's youth. I'm starting to let them walk to the end of the block without being right next to them. I don't hyperventilate when I drop them over a school friend's house for the play date. I don't check over every word and problem of their homework. I've taught them the basics and want to see them apply some of their own common sense and problem solving skills.
I'm loving it. As they get their independence, I get my independence back. But as I watch my parents and in-laws, I wonder, when do parents start latching on again? Or do Indian parents never let go?
This week the whole Dixit clan has been sick. Two of us had the full blown flu, and the others of us (who got our flu shots this year, nag, nag) were sick for a couple of days. Early in our illnesses, I told my parents that Kumar and Wilo were sick. My mom immediately swooped in and came to take care of Wilo, so Kumar could rest. Awesome! This is why we live close to extended family, right? She brought over Rassum (sp?), an Indian sickness soup remedy that I love. She hung out at our house allll day long- I tried not to complain (which was testing my patience after the 10th hour of her help), but it was one day, I could deal with it. That was last weekend.
As the illnesses have taken their course, taking down the other two kids and then finally slowly letting us go, my mom's been calling a couple of times a day to check on everyone's progress. "A little bit better mom. Yes, I'm giving her fluids. No, she's not dehydrated. Yes, he's talked to his doctor. I know, they should have gotten the flu shot. blah blah blah."
Then Kumar's mom got back from Canada and wanted in on the action. So she started calling a few times a day to see if I was properly taking care of her son. Finally, for the last two days, Kumar's dad joined in with the phone calls 3 times in ONE HOUR, trying to find out how Kumar was. When I finally talked to him, he chastised me for not picking up the phone and added that he is praying for us each by name every night.
Now I was really miserably sick for 24-48 hours in the middle of the week.
I'm an introvert (yes, an introvert blogger, which my SIL thinks might be an oxymoron), but when I'm sick, my introvert self just wants to be left alone.
I don't want my temperature taken.
I don't need fluids.
I don't want you to dab my forehead or talk to me in a calm, soothing voice.
All I want to do was sleep.
That's how I recover so quickly ("SUPER INTROVERT SLEEP" - I should coin that phrase and make a pill for that). But when I was deathly ill, could I sleep? No, all those extroverted, smothering parents were making my phone ring every 10 minutes!!!! Argh!!!!
So when's the switch, I wonder. As I'm finally relaxing into parenthood, when does my guard go back up, and I start smothering my kids again? Will it be when they are teenagers, and I wonder what kind of trouble they are going to get into? Or will it be when the last one leaves the house (in 14 years, 9 months and 4 days), when we have an empty nest and nothing to do?
Somehow I hope that I will have more of a life to be hyper-concerned with my children's every cough and sniffle, but I wonder. .... I am my mother's daughter.
I'm loving it. As they get their independence, I get my independence back. But as I watch my parents and in-laws, I wonder, when do parents start latching on again? Or do Indian parents never let go?
This week the whole Dixit clan has been sick. Two of us had the full blown flu, and the others of us (who got our flu shots this year, nag, nag) were sick for a couple of days. Early in our illnesses, I told my parents that Kumar and Wilo were sick. My mom immediately swooped in and came to take care of Wilo, so Kumar could rest. Awesome! This is why we live close to extended family, right? She brought over Rassum (sp?), an Indian sickness soup remedy that I love. She hung out at our house allll day long- I tried not to complain (which was testing my patience after the 10th hour of her help), but it was one day, I could deal with it. That was last weekend.
As the illnesses have taken their course, taking down the other two kids and then finally slowly letting us go, my mom's been calling a couple of times a day to check on everyone's progress. "A little bit better mom. Yes, I'm giving her fluids. No, she's not dehydrated. Yes, he's talked to his doctor. I know, they should have gotten the flu shot. blah blah blah."
Then Kumar's mom got back from Canada and wanted in on the action. So she started calling a few times a day to see if I was properly taking care of her son. Finally, for the last two days, Kumar's dad joined in with the phone calls 3 times in ONE HOUR, trying to find out how Kumar was. When I finally talked to him, he chastised me for not picking up the phone and added that he is praying for us each by name every night.
Now I was really miserably sick for 24-48 hours in the middle of the week.
I'm an introvert (yes, an introvert blogger, which my SIL thinks might be an oxymoron), but when I'm sick, my introvert self just wants to be left alone.
I don't want my temperature taken.
I don't need fluids.
I don't want you to dab my forehead or talk to me in a calm, soothing voice.
All I want to do was sleep.
That's how I recover so quickly ("SUPER INTROVERT SLEEP" - I should coin that phrase and make a pill for that). But when I was deathly ill, could I sleep? No, all those extroverted, smothering parents were making my phone ring every 10 minutes!!!! Argh!!!!
So when's the switch, I wonder. As I'm finally relaxing into parenthood, when does my guard go back up, and I start smothering my kids again? Will it be when they are teenagers, and I wonder what kind of trouble they are going to get into? Or will it be when the last one leaves the house (in 14 years, 9 months and 4 days), when we have an empty nest and nothing to do?
Somehow I hope that I will have more of a life to be hyper-concerned with my children's every cough and sniffle, but I wonder. .... I am my mother's daughter.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Time, time, time ...
see what's become of me. While I look around at my possibilities.....
If you are a child of the 80s and 90s, you should be humming the Bangles right now.
After a slammin' New Year's party, Kumar says to me, "It's a new year. So what? Is it any different than yesterday?"
OF COURSE, it's different, it's January. It's 2013. Time to make some changes.
I'm usually one of those naysayers, one of those people who can't bear to make resolutions that I'm going to break anyway. But this year, I'm inspired. I love the new year. It's a chance at a new start. A time to reboot... Here are some of the changes I'm thinking of making this year.
1. Clean mouth, clean heart? Christmas is over, so is my potty mouth back? My Advent promise to stop cursing did make me more aware of the language I use myself and the language that is often around me. My kids say what I say and do what I do. I know what kind of adults I want them to be, so I'm going to be that kind of role model now. I'm not 100% clean, but I'm more than half way there. So I'll start with this resolution, since I've already made progress on it :)
2. Exercise... yeah yeah, I do this one every year. This year I really want to improve my stamina at running and my flexibility. I'm not getting any younger, 40 is looming. But I feel better than I did when I was in my 20s. So I'm gonna keep fighting to stay looking and feeling good. But it's not just about exercise, I want to feel good inside too.
3. Mindfulness - I often spend my days on auto pilot. Wake up, get the kids off to the school, go to work, come home, cook dinner, homework, TV, bed. Repeat. Am I really living? Am I noticing the little things that are happening every day? I sometimes worry that my addition to electronic devices keeps me from making eye contact with my kids, and keeps me from really looking at the world. So I'm going to spend try to notice my breathing, my thoughts and live each moment, instead of planning for the next.
4. Hugs - During the holidays, I spent a lot of time with my family. With some traveling and sleepovers, we had a lot of physical time together. I liked it. So I'm going to continue with more hugs to the kids, more hugs to Kumar, and maybe more hugs even to you. If you are uncomfortable with touch, watch out! You know, touch can be healing too. I just read that massage reduces stress and even strengthens your immune system. Who needs a flu shot, right? Although our insurance is cutting our massage benefits this year (BOO Adventist Risk Management), I hope I can still eek out regular massages as part of my "Be healthy plan". It's part of my new year's resolution, right?
5. Courageous Conversations - When I worked in Montgomery County, I went to a training called Courageous Conversations about Race. It really taught me a lot about how different people think about race. But I need courageous conversations about more than just race. We need courageous conversations about gender, marriage, motherhood, mental illness, life. I don't want to live a charade. I want to have these conversations with others that allow me to understand and be understood more fully.
I should probably stop here. Too many resolutions, too many failures? Should I focus on one per month, one per week? I like to have a plan. I'll have to think about it. As for now, call me out people, If I want to keep my resolutions, I'll need your help.
If you are a child of the 80s and 90s, you should be humming the Bangles right now.
After a slammin' New Year's party, Kumar says to me, "It's a new year. So what? Is it any different than yesterday?"
OF COURSE, it's different, it's January. It's 2013. Time to make some changes.
I'm usually one of those naysayers, one of those people who can't bear to make resolutions that I'm going to break anyway. But this year, I'm inspired. I love the new year. It's a chance at a new start. A time to reboot... Here are some of the changes I'm thinking of making this year.
1. Clean mouth, clean heart? Christmas is over, so is my potty mouth back? My Advent promise to stop cursing did make me more aware of the language I use myself and the language that is often around me. My kids say what I say and do what I do. I know what kind of adults I want them to be, so I'm going to be that kind of role model now. I'm not 100% clean, but I'm more than half way there. So I'll start with this resolution, since I've already made progress on it :)
2. Exercise... yeah yeah, I do this one every year. This year I really want to improve my stamina at running and my flexibility. I'm not getting any younger, 40 is looming. But I feel better than I did when I was in my 20s. So I'm gonna keep fighting to stay looking and feeling good. But it's not just about exercise, I want to feel good inside too.
3. Mindfulness - I often spend my days on auto pilot. Wake up, get the kids off to the school, go to work, come home, cook dinner, homework, TV, bed. Repeat. Am I really living? Am I noticing the little things that are happening every day? I sometimes worry that my addition to electronic devices keeps me from making eye contact with my kids, and keeps me from really looking at the world. So I'm going to spend try to notice my breathing, my thoughts and live each moment, instead of planning for the next.
4. Hugs - During the holidays, I spent a lot of time with my family. With some traveling and sleepovers, we had a lot of physical time together. I liked it. So I'm going to continue with more hugs to the kids, more hugs to Kumar, and maybe more hugs even to you. If you are uncomfortable with touch, watch out! You know, touch can be healing too. I just read that massage reduces stress and even strengthens your immune system. Who needs a flu shot, right? Although our insurance is cutting our massage benefits this year (BOO Adventist Risk Management), I hope I can still eek out regular massages as part of my "Be healthy plan". It's part of my new year's resolution, right?
5. Courageous Conversations - When I worked in Montgomery County, I went to a training called Courageous Conversations about Race. It really taught me a lot about how different people think about race. But I need courageous conversations about more than just race. We need courageous conversations about gender, marriage, motherhood, mental illness, life. I don't want to live a charade. I want to have these conversations with others that allow me to understand and be understood more fully.
I should probably stop here. Too many resolutions, too many failures? Should I focus on one per month, one per week? I like to have a plan. I'll have to think about it. As for now, call me out people, If I want to keep my resolutions, I'll need your help.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Living like a billionaire
Recently I was talking with a friend about what's better: having money or having friends that have money. I'm lucky enough to be part of the second group. I have friends who have awesome stuff that they share with me. From a meal to a double stroller, to a weekend at the lakehouse, these gifts are awesome. They are not even things that I desperately need. But they are things that make life more pleasant. And They are given in plenty. They are given in love. I certainly did not befriend these people so I could get stuff. It's just a bonus of my natural friendship with them. I think those gifts are more awesome than buying these special treats myself. It seems like when I work hard for something (even in my job), I still complain that I didn't get paid enough for the effort put in. How many times have I said to myself at work, "They do not pay me enough for this nonsense. "
As Americans, we believe that when we put in a lot of effort, we DESERVE to be compensated. But what about when you get something for nothing? That's an awesome, unexpected, unearned gift. Maybe you are one of those people who hates getting gifts because you feel like to have to reciprocate. There are times that you don't have to or can't reciprocate. Babies don't aren't forced to smile in compensation being fed. I don't have to beg my 4 year old for a hug when I get bck from work. She runs o the door every time. I can't always compensate others for the gifts that they give me, but I can give them a listening ear, the gift of time, or a prayer for their family. I give freely of those things, because it's what I have a lot of. We all have different gifts to give and we want to receive different gifts from others. Not all of those gifts can be found at the mall, or ebay or pinterest (SHOCKER! I thought everything could be found on Pinterest!)
It reminds me of the gift of God's salvation. What if God wanted us to work for our eternal life? Would we ever feel like we did enough? Or would we feel like we should get even more in return for the effort that we put in? Would we feel like we have to give back?
Do we have to give back our time, our money, our thoughts, our prayers? I don't think so. God's gift cannot be earned. He does not demand anything in return. I don't HAVE to give offering or pay tithe. I do not HAVE to teach sabbath school or keep the sabbath faithfully. I don't HAVE TO log in 7 hours of prayer or quiet time each week to feel like it was worth His effort. God loves us and all He wants is for us to accept it. It's a special, unexpected, unearned, nonreciprocal gift, and it's worth billions.
As Americans, we believe that when we put in a lot of effort, we DESERVE to be compensated. But what about when you get something for nothing? That's an awesome, unexpected, unearned gift. Maybe you are one of those people who hates getting gifts because you feel like to have to reciprocate. There are times that you don't have to or can't reciprocate. Babies don't aren't forced to smile in compensation being fed. I don't have to beg my 4 year old for a hug when I get bck from work. She runs o the door every time. I can't always compensate others for the gifts that they give me, but I can give them a listening ear, the gift of time, or a prayer for their family. I give freely of those things, because it's what I have a lot of. We all have different gifts to give and we want to receive different gifts from others. Not all of those gifts can be found at the mall, or ebay or pinterest (SHOCKER! I thought everything could be found on Pinterest!)
It reminds me of the gift of God's salvation. What if God wanted us to work for our eternal life? Would we ever feel like we did enough? Or would we feel like we should get even more in return for the effort that we put in? Would we feel like we have to give back?
Do we have to give back our time, our money, our thoughts, our prayers? I don't think so. God's gift cannot be earned. He does not demand anything in return. I don't HAVE to give offering or pay tithe. I do not HAVE to teach sabbath school or keep the sabbath faithfully. I don't HAVE TO log in 7 hours of prayer or quiet time each week to feel like it was worth His effort. God loves us and all He wants is for us to accept it. It's a special, unexpected, unearned, nonreciprocal gift, and it's worth billions.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Ooops, Did I offend you?
I've been thinking a lot about racism recently. Did you know that brown people think about racism more than white people do? It's true, if you've ever lived or even visited another country and been the minority, you might have noticed how much more AWARE that you are of your race and culture when you are around people who are different from you.
So what's the different between racism and plain old cultural insensitivity? Although I've grown up in a pretty diverse area, and haven't experienced much racism that I know of, I've been a victim of lots of cultural insensitivity. Maybe you haven't thought about the difference between the two. Let me try to explain. (Some of these are made up examples, some have actually happened to me.)
A waitress seating a brown family in the back of a restaurant, away from the white patrons - racism
A waitress scrunching her nose, when an Indian customer asks for hot sauce to use with her spaghetti, french fries, toast, etc... (I love hot sauce) - cultural insensitivity
A classmate asking me if I was educated by the Christian Children's Fund - hmmmn, racist or just rude? There may be some overlap here.
Someone looking at Eli's lunch of chappati and potato curry and saying "What's that? Gross!" - racist? culturally insensitive? There are lots of gray areas, aren't there?
Someone saying, " I think he's too brown to be the head of this committee." - racist
A photographer asking an Asian woman to "open her eyes" more when she smiled for a picture - culturally insensitive?
Wow, this is hard. I guess racism and cultural insensitivity should be taken in context. But one thing in common with both, and is true in most any context, is that these comments are rude and can hurt people's feelings. So what should we do about it? When you hear or see someone being racist or culturally insensitive, should you speak up?
I know it's hard to tell from my wordy blogs, but I am an introvert. Most of the time I don't speak up. Unless its a close friend saying/doing something inappropriate, I let it go. But if we (meaning ME) continue to let it go,, how is it ever going to change? How are people going to know that what they are saying is rude to different cultural groups? How are they going to become more AWARE?
Much of the racism and/or cultural insensitivity that I've experienced has not been done maliciously. But not being AWARE of your actions/words doesn't make it ok. I think I'm gonna start to speak up more, in a nice way, just to point out and start dialogues about they way we speak about our cultural differences. What do you think?
Sunday, December 2, 2012
ANGRY RANT!
When I see this, I can slow down or change lanes if I want to go around your slow patootie. But if you do not use your TURN SIGNAL, we might do this:
At worst, this may result in a loss of life. At best, this is going to result in the loss of my last nerve.
Driver's ED 101 - USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL BEFORE YOU TURN.
I know, you are in a hurry. Maybe you are confused and can't remember what that switch is for. Maybe you are just cruisin' along, and think that you are the only driver on the road on route 29 during 5:00 rush hour.
But guess what?! Even if you own the last car on earth, USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL!
If I can find 2 seconds to use my turn signal,
while simultaneously finding a great song on the radio (that has no curse words in it),
opening a juice box for my 4 year old,
yelling at the other two kids to stop touching each other,
and reading my iphone to find my way to the Adventurer Fun Day,
you can do it to.
So use the brain that God put in that thick skull of yours,
remember the drivers ed class that you took 10, 20, 30+ years ago
and USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL!
And for goodness sakes, after you make your turn, turn that thing off!
You people are driving me crazy!
* Sorry if this post is a bit angry, but you do remember that the title of the blog is angrypastorswives, right?
Friday, November 30, 2012
The Giving Tree
December is a time for giving. Some of it is for the holidays, giving gifts for Christmas,
Hannukah, Kwanza or just because.
Some people give at the end of the year to get a big tax write off.
My parents
always believed in tithing their 10% to the Adventist church. So I grew up
tithing when I earned my first $10 cleaning classrooms at GBJA and that has
stuck with me my whole life. I have wavered and wandered in where I choose to
send my tithe, but I believe the principal in the Bible still stands. When you give you will be blessed. I’ve
seen it and I believe it. Give it a shot.
Whatever your reasons for giving, if you have a chunk of
cash that you’d like to blow through this December and you don’t know where to
spend it, here are some tried and true Dixit options that you may want to put on your GIVING TREE:
- FOOD A couple of months ago, I got a memo in my kids backpack that our school’s PTA was starting the Blessings in a backpack program. This is a nationwide program to give food to the kids who may not be eating enough over the weekend. Kids in need get free or reduced breakfast and lunch in public schools. (Tax dollars at work). But don’t you think they get hungry on Saturdays and Sundays? What about vacations? I cried when I got that memo. There are kids who sit next to my kids at school who are hungry?!!! Give to Blessings in a backpack online. You can even specify which school your money will serve.
- SHELTER Some people are down on their luck this holiday. Grassroots is a homeless shelter here in Howard County that provides food, housing and support to families that need money or resources to get back on their feet. Think of something to give that could make their holidays special.
- SAFETY Domestic Violence Center of Howard County I'm not ready to tell any personal stories for this one. I’m already feeling sad. Domestic violence happens, and children are often the pitiful victims. When mothers and their children leave their homes, they often take nothing with them. You can make a monetary donation or how about giving them a stack of new pajamas? There’s nothing like starting a new life with something new to wear to bed, when you are feeling your most vulnerable.
- EDUCATION After working at 3 different schools in Howard County the last 5 years, I’ve seen firsthand that there is a discrepancy in resources between the have and the have-nots, despite what the school budget report says. Why is it that some schools have loads of technology, and rock climbing walls, and awesome libraries and some schools have nothing? PTA. The Parent Teacher Association, meaning the parents of the students in the school, have the ability to make big ticket donations….if they have money to give. Yes, some parents at Clarksville Middle School share Mimeo Boards and Christmas gift cards with our staff, while some parents at Talbot Springs Elementary School cannot afford to feed their kids over the weekend. It’s enough to make you weep! If you are looking for a school to donate money to, look to a local elementary school in a poor neighborhood. Talk to the principal and see what they need. A good principal will have a wish fund that may entice you to write a check.
- A NEW LIFE A couple of years ago I got to hear Wes Stafford, the president of Compassion International share his personal story and his mission to help children. He was an amazing speaker and writer. Check out his book Too Small to Ignore It really did change my view of poverty. I am a bit of a skeptic, especially about big organizations that claim to "help" children in other countries. But after reading his book, I'm a believer in the monetary and emotional support that sponsoring a child can bring. We sponsor 2 children and I hope to see Tracy and Daniel grow up to lead amazing, productive lives. I want to be a part of those lives.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Bah Humbug!
I love to shop. I really do. I love to dress up in something new. I love dressing my kids and my husband. I love buying things for myself and others, but I really despise Christmas shopping.
It's too much. Too much buying, too much opening, too much eating, too much singing, too much wrapping. It's all too much. Maybe I have too big of a family (I am from a large extended family and I have a giant group of friends as well). I've painfully pared my list down over the years. But it's still too much. I still love Christmas, and I don't want to throw out the whole holiday. Part of enjoying the season is the giving and receiving of gifts. But how can we do this without giving in to the massive consumerism that is the US shopping industry from October-December? How do I cut down on the gifts without seeming like a scrooge?
1. Encourage experiences, not stuff. My kids have too many toys. So what should people get us for Christmas? Experiences. Even with only three kids, I find it very expensive to encourage them to try all the hobbies and activities that I would like them to do. So I've encouraged my family to give them experiences for Christmas. Take them to a concert, a play, or ice skating. It's a fun experience for all of them together, and my gift is a quiet afternoon without the kids. If you have family with more money than time to spend, encourage them to give you a family gift of a zoo or aquarium membership, or pay for 3 months of piano or karate lessons. Those things add up!
2. Limit your own gift giving to the kids. Kumar and I believe in 3 gifts for each kid. It was good enough for baby Jesus (Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh), and its good enough for Jaelin, Eli and Wilo. It's hard to stick to just 3 gifts; and we do stick in some candy and other little goodies in their stockings. I really wanted to pare down this year to 1 gift, but I've already broken that new rule. So for Christmas, the Dixits kids will only get 3 gifts from us (one of which is always pajamas for Christmas Eve).
3. Get your kids get involved in giving. When Jaelin started kindergarten, she came home and told us that one of her friends couldn't afford a Christmas tree this year. We were sad but thrilled. (One of the reasons we sent her to public school, is to make sure that she was exposed to kids of all economic backgrounds). We emailed the teacher and donated a tree and ornaments to the family that year. We didn't want to embarrass the kid or make a big deal about it, so we kept it on the down low, but our kids need to know that they are lucky. Not everyone who wants to celebrate the holiday, has the means to do so. Adopt a family from church, school or a local shelter. Encourage your kids to brainstorm what others may want for Christmas. If you get your kids focused on giving, they will actually enjoy the giving part of Christmas.
4. Practice getting. Kids don't naturally say "please" and "thank you", especially when they receive unusual gifts such as underwear or socks. This is a learned skill. It is important that you teach your kids how to be grateful and polite in all circumstances. A game that we've played before is the "Thank You Game." I gave Jaelin a gift bag or pillow case and she ran throughout the house looking for a "present" for Eli. While she was gone, I explained to Eli that no matter what it was, we had to find a polite and kind way to say Thank you to her, NO MATTER WHAT the gift was. And he couldn't just say "Thanks" He had to come up with a reason why he was grateful for the gift.
"Thank you Jaelin for the socks, they'll keep my toes warm"
"Thank you Eli for the Q-tips, They will keep my ears clean"
"Thank you Jaelin for this used napkin. I'll be able to fill up my recycling bin"
As you can see, it can get quite silly. But I also think it's teaching the art of saying "Thank you." That's gonna come in handy with some of our relatives ;)
5. Plan fun activities for the month of December. Celebrate the whole season by honoring traditions or starting your own traditions. Take the girls to see the nutcracker ballet. Go to the symphony of lights or drive around the neighborhood looking for homemade Christmas lights. Bake and decorate cookies. Make presents for your teachers/neighbors/friends. Host a favorite things party. The holiday season is great time to do some random acts of kindness. When my kids look back at Christmas, I want them to have lots of memories, not just of opening gifts on Christmas morning.
6. Don't forget that Jesus is the reason for the season. The whole reason that Christians celebrate Christmas is because it gives us a chance to remember Christ's birth. Be purposeful in teaching your children this, because the commercials on TV tell them something else. Make it a point to read the Christmas story, watch the Christmas story, act the Christmas story and remember the Christmas story throughout the month.
With the invention of the internet (Thank you Al Gore!), I'm almost done my Christmas shopping before December 1st. I'm awesome, cause I did most of it my pajamas. Now I can focus on the fun part of Christmas. YAY!!! Maybe you have more ideas on how to really celebrate this month? Please share!!!
It's too much. Too much buying, too much opening, too much eating, too much singing, too much wrapping. It's all too much. Maybe I have too big of a family (I am from a large extended family and I have a giant group of friends as well). I've painfully pared my list down over the years. But it's still too much. I still love Christmas, and I don't want to throw out the whole holiday. Part of enjoying the season is the giving and receiving of gifts. But how can we do this without giving in to the massive consumerism that is the US shopping industry from October-December? How do I cut down on the gifts without seeming like a scrooge?
1. Encourage experiences, not stuff. My kids have too many toys. So what should people get us for Christmas? Experiences. Even with only three kids, I find it very expensive to encourage them to try all the hobbies and activities that I would like them to do. So I've encouraged my family to give them experiences for Christmas. Take them to a concert, a play, or ice skating. It's a fun experience for all of them together, and my gift is a quiet afternoon without the kids. If you have family with more money than time to spend, encourage them to give you a family gift of a zoo or aquarium membership, or pay for 3 months of piano or karate lessons. Those things add up!
2. Limit your own gift giving to the kids. Kumar and I believe in 3 gifts for each kid. It was good enough for baby Jesus (Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh), and its good enough for Jaelin, Eli and Wilo. It's hard to stick to just 3 gifts; and we do stick in some candy and other little goodies in their stockings. I really wanted to pare down this year to 1 gift, but I've already broken that new rule. So for Christmas, the Dixits kids will only get 3 gifts from us (one of which is always pajamas for Christmas Eve).
3. Get your kids get involved in giving. When Jaelin started kindergarten, she came home and told us that one of her friends couldn't afford a Christmas tree this year. We were sad but thrilled. (One of the reasons we sent her to public school, is to make sure that she was exposed to kids of all economic backgrounds). We emailed the teacher and donated a tree and ornaments to the family that year. We didn't want to embarrass the kid or make a big deal about it, so we kept it on the down low, but our kids need to know that they are lucky. Not everyone who wants to celebrate the holiday, has the means to do so. Adopt a family from church, school or a local shelter. Encourage your kids to brainstorm what others may want for Christmas. If you get your kids focused on giving, they will actually enjoy the giving part of Christmas.
4. Practice getting. Kids don't naturally say "please" and "thank you", especially when they receive unusual gifts such as underwear or socks. This is a learned skill. It is important that you teach your kids how to be grateful and polite in all circumstances. A game that we've played before is the "Thank You Game." I gave Jaelin a gift bag or pillow case and she ran throughout the house looking for a "present" for Eli. While she was gone, I explained to Eli that no matter what it was, we had to find a polite and kind way to say Thank you to her, NO MATTER WHAT the gift was. And he couldn't just say "Thanks" He had to come up with a reason why he was grateful for the gift.
"Thank you Jaelin for the socks, they'll keep my toes warm"
"Thank you Eli for the Q-tips, They will keep my ears clean"
"Thank you Jaelin for this used napkin. I'll be able to fill up my recycling bin"
As you can see, it can get quite silly. But I also think it's teaching the art of saying "Thank you." That's gonna come in handy with some of our relatives ;)
5. Plan fun activities for the month of December. Celebrate the whole season by honoring traditions or starting your own traditions. Take the girls to see the nutcracker ballet. Go to the symphony of lights or drive around the neighborhood looking for homemade Christmas lights. Bake and decorate cookies. Make presents for your teachers/neighbors/friends. Host a favorite things party. The holiday season is great time to do some random acts of kindness. When my kids look back at Christmas, I want them to have lots of memories, not just of opening gifts on Christmas morning.
6. Don't forget that Jesus is the reason for the season. The whole reason that Christians celebrate Christmas is because it gives us a chance to remember Christ's birth. Be purposeful in teaching your children this, because the commercials on TV tell them something else. Make it a point to read the Christmas story, watch the Christmas story, act the Christmas story and remember the Christmas story throughout the month.
With the invention of the internet (Thank you Al Gore!), I'm almost done my Christmas shopping before December 1st. I'm awesome, cause I did most of it my pajamas. Now I can focus on the fun part of Christmas. YAY!!! Maybe you have more ideas on how to really celebrate this month? Please share!!!
Friday, November 23, 2012
A good life
Kumar's aunt in India passed away two days ago. His father's comment was "She lived a good life." I first thought "What a trite comment." This woman was married at 19 and widowed by 24. Is that a good life? But then I got to thinking, maybe it was. I didn't know her or her family. There is so much that goes into a life. Maybe she was unhappy in her marriage or maybe she was happy in her marriage and never got to the unhappy part. (For you single people, marriage is hard, and there ARE unhappy days in every marriage). Is being unmarried or widowed automatically "a bad life"? I doubt it. She loved her kids and her extended family and they loved her. Kumar and his sister met her for the first time during their trip last year. They loved her from that brief meeting. I think she lived a good life.
Monday, November 19, 2012
And the winner is....
There's a lot of pageant hoopla right now with Allyn Rose, from Washington DC planning on a mastectomy after her performance (appearance?) in the Miss USA pageant. I totally believe in her right to take preventative measures to secure her health, but I'm sad that she had to be a six foot tall, spray tanned, blond bombshell to get heard.
It got me thinking about watching pageants when I was little. When Miss USA or Miss Universe came on, I'd be so excited, with a little notebook and pen so I could keep score myself. Who has the best hair, dress, swimsuit? Is someone gonna trip? Does the contestant from India have a chance?
Now as a mature woman, and a self-proclaimed feminist, I am appalled that I was allowed to watch that stuff. I'm surprised that in 2012, women still dress up in bikinis, and sequins, with hair extensions and double-sided tape, to be JUDGED and SCORED by others! I know I know, its to earn "scholarships." But why are women earning scholarships for their looks? The pageants don't even fake what's important. Looks and poise gets you to the finals; the world peace question is only asked to the beautiful, photogenic statuesque finalists. And they only get 30 seconds to answer. Would men ever participate in these endeavors? No, they compete for scholarships by bashing each others heads on the field while playing football. Oh, that's another blog.
I know some of you pageant queens are going to be salty (angry) about my rant, but let me tell you that I love all of you pageant princesses, with or without your crowns. You don't need to parade around in your best outfit to be loved and respected by others.
As a grown up, I can now watch these shows and know that the pageant ideal is not "normal" or even really "ideal." Hey, I may even flip channels to the Miss USA show. But what would I be teaching my children if I allowed them to watch? I suspect that its just as detrimental to their mental and social well being as it is to watch graphic sex or violence on TV. Kids get much more information that we know. And they often interpret it in the wrong way. Girls who are watching pageants or participating in pageants from ages 3 on up....what damage is that doing? I came across a list of such damages online - obsessive competitiveness, sexualization of young girls, and stunted growth (from too much hairspray). I could go one and on, especially after watching 15 minutes of Honey Boo Boo on TLC ( a truly disturbing show).
Please think about what you let your kids watch and listen to. I know it's hard, I don't always do a good job of it. But we can't just think about the obvious evils (sex, violence, language), but we should also we aware of the embedded messages in the shows that our kids watch. All these images and experiences are molding our kids into the adults that they will one day be.
It got me thinking about watching pageants when I was little. When Miss USA or Miss Universe came on, I'd be so excited, with a little notebook and pen so I could keep score myself. Who has the best hair, dress, swimsuit? Is someone gonna trip? Does the contestant from India have a chance?
Now as a mature woman, and a self-proclaimed feminist, I am appalled that I was allowed to watch that stuff. I'm surprised that in 2012, women still dress up in bikinis, and sequins, with hair extensions and double-sided tape, to be JUDGED and SCORED by others! I know I know, its to earn "scholarships." But why are women earning scholarships for their looks? The pageants don't even fake what's important. Looks and poise gets you to the finals; the world peace question is only asked to the beautiful, photogenic statuesque finalists. And they only get 30 seconds to answer. Would men ever participate in these endeavors? No, they compete for scholarships by bashing each others heads on the field while playing football. Oh, that's another blog.
I know some of you pageant queens are going to be salty (angry) about my rant, but let me tell you that I love all of you pageant princesses, with or without your crowns. You don't need to parade around in your best outfit to be loved and respected by others.
As a grown up, I can now watch these shows and know that the pageant ideal is not "normal" or even really "ideal." Hey, I may even flip channels to the Miss USA show. But what would I be teaching my children if I allowed them to watch? I suspect that its just as detrimental to their mental and social well being as it is to watch graphic sex or violence on TV. Kids get much more information that we know. And they often interpret it in the wrong way. Girls who are watching pageants or participating in pageants from ages 3 on up....what damage is that doing? I came across a list of such damages online - obsessive competitiveness, sexualization of young girls, and stunted growth (from too much hairspray). I could go one and on, especially after watching 15 minutes of Honey Boo Boo on TLC ( a truly disturbing show).
Please think about what you let your kids watch and listen to. I know it's hard, I don't always do a good job of it. But we can't just think about the obvious evils (sex, violence, language), but we should also we aware of the embedded messages in the shows that our kids watch. All these images and experiences are molding our kids into the adults that they will one day be.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
What the &#^$#*&$(#
Cursing. Cussing...whatever you call it, its everywhere. On TV, in books, on the street.
Everyone is cursing. I'm cursing. I had a clean mouth for a long time when I first had the kids, but lately I've been slipping off the bandwagon. Maybe it's because I've been angry lately. (Angry pastors wife ;) But I'm not just cursing at big things, I curse at little things too...a stubbed toe, stepping on a lego, jackets left on the floor. Maybe I should just clean up around here.
Don't worry, I almost never curse in writing, but there is something about the sound and feeling of those terrible words that just feel good coming out of my mouth. I know its wrong, and I usually feel guilty afterwards. But those combinations of affricates and plosive sounds are soo sweet! (That's my nerdy SLP side coming out). There's gotta be some sort of research about this.
It's a release of energy and those sound combinations just hit a nerve or release seratonin or something.
But I am a pastor's wife, who is only sometimes angry. And more importantly, I'm a believer in the Bible. This week in Adventurers we are studying the third commandment. "Do not take the Lord's Name in Vain." I'm the Adventurers Director. I'm a Christian. I've got to stop. How can I curb my want/need to curse?
Here's my plan. It's my pre-Christmas "Lenten" plan. From now until Christmas no cursing. Instead, I found a list of great "alternative" swear words.
I hope they feel as good coming out. I'll let you know.....
Everyone is cursing. I'm cursing. I had a clean mouth for a long time when I first had the kids, but lately I've been slipping off the bandwagon. Maybe it's because I've been angry lately. (Angry pastors wife ;) But I'm not just cursing at big things, I curse at little things too...a stubbed toe, stepping on a lego, jackets left on the floor. Maybe I should just clean up around here.
Don't worry, I almost never curse in writing, but there is something about the sound and feeling of those terrible words that just feel good coming out of my mouth. I know its wrong, and I usually feel guilty afterwards. But those combinations of affricates and plosive sounds are soo sweet! (That's my nerdy SLP side coming out). There's gotta be some sort of research about this.
It's a release of energy and those sound combinations just hit a nerve or release seratonin or something.
But I am a pastor's wife, who is only sometimes angry. And more importantly, I'm a believer in the Bible. This week in Adventurers we are studying the third commandment. "Do not take the Lord's Name in Vain." I'm the Adventurers Director. I'm a Christian. I've got to stop. How can I curb my want/need to curse?
Here's my plan. It's my pre-Christmas "Lenten" plan. From now until Christmas no cursing. Instead, I found a list of great "alternative" swear words.
I hope they feel as good coming out. I'll let you know.....
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Pastor Appreciation Month!
Did you know that October was National Clergy Appreciation Month? You should - well, maybe not, it's also National Breast Cancer Awareness month, National Physical Therapy Month, National Family Sexuality Education Month, Filipino American History Month and a load of other stuff.
But in honor of this important month that is now over, I've decided to write about my favorite things about being a pastor's wife. I'm not always angry you know (I'm only sometimes angry, usually before I've had my morning coffee), and there are some perks!
So here's my Pastor's Appreciation Top 10:
10. Awesome PARKING SPOT and the FIRST LADY SEAT. I've heard that some churches have a special parking spot for their senior pastor by the door. And they save the first seat of the first row for the "first lady"- the pastor's wife. We're not one of those churches but I usually get a great spot for my car and my bum because I'm at church early. I do wonder if I'm ever a first lady, can I wear a really big hat? That would be cool.
9. ACCESS TO THE CHURCH AT ANY TIME. Sometimes I leave stuff at church - on a nice day, it's my coat or sunglasses; sometimes it's one of my kids' Bibles. And when I forget, I can come by and get it at any time, because I have the church key on my keychain. Yes!
8. FOOD - This morning, I actually had a church member bring over a freshly baked pumpkin pie, made with pumpkins that he grew himself!!! Score! This is just the tip of the iceberg folks. We get freshly baked cookies, bread, biscuits and gravy, tomatoes and apples just off the vine/tree, etc.. And they wonder why so many ministers have diabetes. I'm not complaining, please keep the food coming!
7. SKILLS - My husband may be very intelligent, well read and well spoken, but he is not good with his hands. I put together the IKEA furniture in our house. My dad comes over and fixes the garbage disposal. We pay people to do a whole lot of odd jobs in our home; but there are some good samaritans who come over and help Kumar for free. They help him change the ceiling fan/light fixtures, install pergo floors, set up the printer, put the training wheels on Wilo's bike. These things do not come easy to us, so we greatly appreciate the gift of time and skilled labor that our friends and parishioners bestow on us.
6. COMPLAINTS - When I have a complaint about the heat, volume or length of a sermon, I feel like it gets heard. Kumar may just be nodding his head absentmindedly, but I feel like he could/would get up and change the thermostat for me. Or maybe I just know who to really ask (Collier).
5. SHOWERS - The minister's kids are the church's kids. Never did I feel this more, than when I had Jaelin, my first daughter. We moved from California to Maryland while I was pregnant, so we had baby showers at both churches, in addition to baby showers at both schools that I worked at, plus baby showers thrown by family and friends, and various baby gifts dropped off at the hospital and our home (some at 8am, sabbath morning-don't do that). We have enough praying angel stuffed animals, kids Bibles and devotional books, and blankets for a family of 10! People are so generous when you are having a baby - I think that's why we had Wilo! (Just kidding, sorta).
4. VACATIONS - We may not have tons of money to go on international vacations, but where-ever we can drive to, we have a place to stay. Many of our well to do friends live in spacious digs in awesome places (Wooster B&B), own timeshares, condos or vacation homes that they invite us to. So we go. As long as they aren't talking church politics, we relax and enjoy their generosity. Kumar also occasionally gets some pretty sweet speaking gigs, that allow for me to do some sightseeing and eating across the country (Vancouver, NYC, Miami, food trucks!). Vacation to me is all about the food, and the people I share it with of course!
3. FLEX SCHEDULE - This one is a biggie. No, Kumar does not only work from 8-12 on sabbath morning. But Kumar's flexible schedule has been a real blessing while we've had babies and preschoolers in the house. I was in a lot of childcare at a young age, and although nothing really bad happened there, I didn't enjoy it. So when I had kids, I hoped and prayed that I wouldn't have to drag my kids around to continue working part-time. All the problems that come with being a working mom- packing up their stuff (The bottle is in the fridge), forgotten homework (Call your dad), snow days (Aha- I'm a teacher), sick kids (good luck Kumar!), I've mostly avoided because of Kumar's flexible schedule and our parents' wonderful capacity to help out.
2. FRIENDS - Kumar is really good at making friends. I'm really good at keeping them. I'm lucky to have a ginormous group of great friends; and I keep meeting and making more friends outside of my usual frame of reference (mother's room) because of Kumar's job and personality. Sure, they know him as their pastor, but it's nice to not be lonely on a Saturday night.
1. I actually miscalculated and only listed 9 things, so I'm gonna make one up on the fly - LOVING YOUR JOB. Kumar sure does complain a lot, but in the end, being a pastor was what he was made to do. I knew that when I married him. His parents dedicated him to ministry as a baby, and as much as he hates board meetings and finance meetings, and meeting with the cleaning company, he LOVES Bible studies with people who are just getting to know Jesus. When you love your job, it means everything!
But in honor of this important month that is now over, I've decided to write about my favorite things about being a pastor's wife. I'm not always angry you know (I'm only sometimes angry, usually before I've had my morning coffee), and there are some perks!
So here's my Pastor's Appreciation Top 10:
10. Awesome PARKING SPOT and the FIRST LADY SEAT. I've heard that some churches have a special parking spot for their senior pastor by the door. And they save the first seat of the first row for the "first lady"- the pastor's wife. We're not one of those churches but I usually get a great spot for my car and my bum because I'm at church early. I do wonder if I'm ever a first lady, can I wear a really big hat? That would be cool.
9. ACCESS TO THE CHURCH AT ANY TIME. Sometimes I leave stuff at church - on a nice day, it's my coat or sunglasses; sometimes it's one of my kids' Bibles. And when I forget, I can come by and get it at any time, because I have the church key on my keychain. Yes!
8. FOOD - This morning, I actually had a church member bring over a freshly baked pumpkin pie, made with pumpkins that he grew himself!!! Score! This is just the tip of the iceberg folks. We get freshly baked cookies, bread, biscuits and gravy, tomatoes and apples just off the vine/tree, etc.. And they wonder why so many ministers have diabetes. I'm not complaining, please keep the food coming!
7. SKILLS - My husband may be very intelligent, well read and well spoken, but he is not good with his hands. I put together the IKEA furniture in our house. My dad comes over and fixes the garbage disposal. We pay people to do a whole lot of odd jobs in our home; but there are some good samaritans who come over and help Kumar for free. They help him change the ceiling fan/light fixtures, install pergo floors, set up the printer, put the training wheels on Wilo's bike. These things do not come easy to us, so we greatly appreciate the gift of time and skilled labor that our friends and parishioners bestow on us.
 |
| Not only did some church members' bring us this bouquet of Hydrangea, they started a cutting for me, so maybe (MAYBE) I'll have a plant to show for it next year. |
6. COMPLAINTS - When I have a complaint about the heat, volume or length of a sermon, I feel like it gets heard. Kumar may just be nodding his head absentmindedly, but I feel like he could/would get up and change the thermostat for me. Or maybe I just know who to really ask (Collier).
5. SHOWERS - The minister's kids are the church's kids. Never did I feel this more, than when I had Jaelin, my first daughter. We moved from California to Maryland while I was pregnant, so we had baby showers at both churches, in addition to baby showers at both schools that I worked at, plus baby showers thrown by family and friends, and various baby gifts dropped off at the hospital and our home (some at 8am, sabbath morning-don't do that). We have enough praying angel stuffed animals, kids Bibles and devotional books, and blankets for a family of 10! People are so generous when you are having a baby - I think that's why we had Wilo! (Just kidding, sorta).
4. VACATIONS - We may not have tons of money to go on international vacations, but where-ever we can drive to, we have a place to stay. Many of our well to do friends live in spacious digs in awesome places (Wooster B&B), own timeshares, condos or vacation homes that they invite us to. So we go. As long as they aren't talking church politics, we relax and enjoy their generosity. Kumar also occasionally gets some pretty sweet speaking gigs, that allow for me to do some sightseeing and eating across the country (Vancouver, NYC, Miami, food trucks!). Vacation to me is all about the food, and the people I share it with of course!
 |
| Best meal ever at Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill in Vegas |
 |
| Best view ever at Whistler, where Kumar spoke at BC Campmeeting this summer |
3. FLEX SCHEDULE - This one is a biggie. No, Kumar does not only work from 8-12 on sabbath morning. But Kumar's flexible schedule has been a real blessing while we've had babies and preschoolers in the house. I was in a lot of childcare at a young age, and although nothing really bad happened there, I didn't enjoy it. So when I had kids, I hoped and prayed that I wouldn't have to drag my kids around to continue working part-time. All the problems that come with being a working mom- packing up their stuff (The bottle is in the fridge), forgotten homework (Call your dad), snow days (Aha- I'm a teacher), sick kids (good luck Kumar!), I've mostly avoided because of Kumar's flexible schedule and our parents' wonderful capacity to help out.
 |
| I've enjoyed working motherhood because of Kumar's flexibility |
2. FRIENDS - Kumar is really good at making friends. I'm really good at keeping them. I'm lucky to have a ginormous group of great friends; and I keep meeting and making more friends outside of my usual frame of reference (mother's room) because of Kumar's job and personality. Sure, they know him as their pastor, but it's nice to not be lonely on a Saturday night.
1. I actually miscalculated and only listed 9 things, so I'm gonna make one up on the fly - LOVING YOUR JOB. Kumar sure does complain a lot, but in the end, being a pastor was what he was made to do. I knew that when I married him. His parents dedicated him to ministry as a baby, and as much as he hates board meetings and finance meetings, and meeting with the cleaning company, he LOVES Bible studies with people who are just getting to know Jesus. When you love your job, it means everything!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Happy Halloween!
I'm a pastor's wife who loves Halloween - am I the only one?
I've always loved Halloween. For one, its in the fall, when the leaves are changing and the neighborhood looks beautiful one last time before the cold, dark winter. Second reason, candy! I don't think I need to say more about that one. Third reason - It gives families a chance to do something fun together while also meeting and greeting their neighbors.
Growing up, our neighborhood was way into trick or treating. People would answer the door in their costumes or wait outside (on nicer evenings), saying hello to the kids and passing out candy (yum!). Ok, sometimes grumpy people just left a bowl of goodies on their front steps, but that just meant more candy for us! Halloween was so much fun!
I now live in a similar, fantastic neighbor who goes all out for Halloween. We actually moved into this house right around Halloween, so our first introduction to others on our street was while Trick or Treating. Nobody in Columbia brings over a pie anymore, but they were welcoming with their chocolate. (And if you know me, chocolate goes way farther than pie in my house). So once again this year, the Dixits will be Trick or Treating. We only make it to a couple of houses, but its enough to satiate our sweet tooth and say hello to some friends.
It's been a crazy Halloween, since it's the first day back to school after Hurricane Sandy. The kids all had their Halloween parades at school. Jaelin and Eli's school does something great - they call it the Parade of Words. Every kid has to have an academic word that goes with their costume. Second grade did compound words this year, so Eli was "Bigfoot". Jaelin's class did verbs - although she was not very creative this year - "Sing".
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| Seriously, the Best Principal ever! |
 |
| Men in Black costume with the verb "Neutralize" |
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| Ms. Bailey was Eli's teacher last year. Her compound word was "Snowman" |
I loved Ms. Thompson's (the principal) costume - Where's Waldo. She does an amazing job every year making sure the kids have fun while also learning. For the last few years, we've also had the Oakland Mills Middle School band come (dressed in costume, of course) and play during the parade. This year they played Michael Jackson's "Thriller." They are good! It's enough to make me return Jaelin's violin and beg her to pick up a band instrument.
I know some Christians equate Halloween with Satan worship. But I think celebrating Halloween doesn't mean you worship the devil, just like celebrating Christmas doesn't mean you are a Christian. It's what we make of it. Let's reclaim Halloween and celebrate it in a Christian way, rather than letting the baddies have all the fun.
Even if you don't want to let your kids trick or treat for Halloween, please don't turn the lights off and be a scrooge. Open the door for your neighbors and kids. Dress up in a Jesus/Angel/Moses outfit. If you don't like sugary treats, give out apples or popcorn or pretzels. Just love others in your neighborhood. I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus would do.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
The God of Angel Armies...
Yesterday I went to church without my husband, who is on
sabbatical. And there was a little
bit of fear in my heart. I’m
alone, what if someone asks about him? The circumstances around his sabbatical are raw.
I thought about dropping the kids at kids church and hiding
in his office, playing Words With Friends,, but I didn’t. I’m a good Christian.
I’m a good pastor’s wife. So I went into the church and sat down next to my
cousin and her family. My other
best friends soon sat next to me on the other side. I had friends in front of me, that I texted during the
service in the same way I would usually whisper to Kumar. And behind me was another set of
cousins (How many cousins do I have. I’m Indian, we’re all cousins). I felt like I had an army of angels
around me, surrounding me with strength, giving me a big hug. The sermon ended up being one that I
appreciated. I felt God speaking to me, like he often does, even when I don’t
know or don’t want to listen. He’s
got my back.
I know who stands before me, I know who stands behind, the God of angel armies is always by my side.
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