The Giving Tree

December is a time for giving.  Some of it is for the holidays, giving gifts for Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza or just because.  Some people give at the end of the year to get a big tax write off.

 My parents always believed in tithing their 10% to the Adventist church. So I grew up tithing when I earned my first $10 cleaning classrooms at GBJA and that has stuck with me my whole life. I have wavered and wandered in where I choose to send my tithe, but I believe the principal in the Bible still stands.  When you give you will be blessed. I’ve seen it and I believe it. Give it a shot. 

Whatever your reasons for giving, if you have a chunk of cash that you’d like to blow through this December and you don’t know where to spend it, here are some tried and true Dixit options that you may want to put on your GIVING TREE: 

• FOOD A couple of months ago, I got a memo in my kids backpack that our school’s PTA was starting the Blessings in a backpack program.  This is a nationwide program to give food to the kids who may not be eating enough over the weekend.  Kids in need get free or reduced breakfast and lunch in public schools.  (Tax dollars at work).  But don’t you think they get hungry on Saturdays and Sundays?  What about vacations? I cried when I got that memo.  There are kids who sit next to my kids at school who are hungry?!!!  Give to Blessings in a backpack online.  You can even specify which school your money will serve. 
• SHELTER Some people are down on their luck this holiday.  Grassroots is a homeless shelter here in Howard County that provides food, housing and support to families that need money or resources to get back on their feet.  Think of something to give that could make their holidays special.  
• SAFETY Domestic Violence Center of Howard County I'm not ready to tell any personal stories for this one.  I’m already feeling sad.  Domestic violence happens, and children are often the pitiful victims.  When mothers and their children leave their homes, they often take nothing with them.  You can make a monetary donation or how about giving them a stack of new pajamas?  There’s nothing like starting a new life with something new to wear to bed, when you are feeling your most vulnerable. 
• EDUCATION After working at 3 different schools in Howard County the last 5 years, I’ve seen firsthand that there is a discrepancy in resources between the have and the have-nots, despite what the school budget report says.  Why is it that some schools have loads of technology, and rock climbing walls, and awesome libraries and some schools have nothing?  PTA.  The Parent Teacher Association, meaning the parents of the students in the school, have the ability to make big ticket donations….if they have money to give.  Yes, some parents at Clarksville Middle School  share Mimeo Boards and Christmas gift cards with our staff, while some parents at Talbot Springs Elementary School cannot afford to feed their kids over the weekend.  It’s enough to make you weep!  If you are looking for a school to donate money to, look to a local elementary school in a poor neighborhood.  Talk to the principal and see what they need.  A good principal will have a wish fund that may entice you to write a check. 
• A NEW LIFE A couple of years ago I got to hear Wes Stafford, the president of Compassion International share his personal story and his mission to help children.  He was an amazing speaker and writer.  Check out his book Too Small to Ignore  It really did change my view of poverty.  I am a bit of a skeptic, especially about big organizations that claim to "help" children in other countries.  But after reading his book, I'm a believer in the monetary and emotional support that sponsoring a child can bring.  We sponsor 2 children and I hope to see Tracy and Daniel  grow up to lead amazing, productive lives. I want to be a part of those lives.  

Bah Humbug!

I love to shop.  I really do. I love to dress up in something new. I love dressing my kids and my husband. I love buying things for myself and others, but I really despise Christmas shopping.
It's too much.    Too much buying, too much opening, too much eating, too much singing, too much wrapping.  It's all too much.  Maybe I have too big of a family (I am from a large extended family and I have a giant group of friends as well).  I've painfully pared my list down over the years. But it's still too much.   I still love Christmas, and I don't want to throw out the whole holiday.  Part of enjoying the season is the giving and receiving of gifts.  But how can we do this without giving in to the massive consumerism that is the US shopping industry from October-December?  How do I cut down on the gifts without seeming like a scrooge?

1.  Encourage experiences, not stuff.  My kids have too many toys.   So what should people get us for Christmas?  Experiences.  Even with only three kids, I find it very expensive to encourage them to try all the hobbies and activities that I would like them to do.  So I've encouraged my family to give them experiences for Christmas.  Take them to a concert, a play, or ice skating.  It's a fun experience for all of them together, and my gift is a quiet afternoon without the kids.  If you have family with more money than time to spend, encourage them to give you a family gift of a zoo or aquarium membership, or pay for 3 months of piano or karate lessons.  Those things add up!

2.  Limit your own gift giving to the kids.  Kumar and I believe in  3 gifts for each kid.  It was good enough for baby Jesus (Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh), and its good enough for Jaelin, Eli and Wilo.  It's hard to stick to just 3 gifts; and we do stick in some candy and other little goodies in their stockings.   I really wanted to pare down this year to 1 gift, but I've already broken that new rule.  So for Christmas, the Dixits kids will only get 3 gifts from us (one of which is always pajamas for Christmas Eve).

3.  Get your kids get involved in giving.  When Jaelin started kindergarten, she came home and told us that one of her friends couldn't afford a Christmas tree this year.  We were sad but thrilled.  (One of the reasons we sent her to public school, is to make sure that she was exposed to kids of all economic backgrounds).  We emailed the teacher and donated a tree and ornaments to the family that year.  We didn't want to embarrass the kid or make a big deal about it, so we kept it on the down low, but our kids need to know that they are lucky.  Not everyone who wants to celebrate the holiday, has the means to do so.  Adopt a family from church, school or a local shelter. Encourage your kids to brainstorm what others may want for Christmas.  If you get your kids focused on giving, they will actually enjoy the giving part of Christmas.

4.  Practice getting.  Kids don't naturally say "please" and "thank you", especially when they receive unusual gifts such as underwear or socks.  This is a learned skill.  It is important that you teach your kids how to be grateful and  polite in all circumstances.  A game that we've played before is the "Thank You Game."  I gave Jaelin a gift bag or pillow case and she ran throughout the house looking for a "present" for Eli.  While she was gone, I explained to Eli that no matter what it was, we had to find a polite and kind way to say Thank you to her, NO MATTER WHAT the gift was.  And he couldn't just say "Thanks" He had to come up with a reason why he was grateful for the gift.

"Thank you Jaelin for the socks, they'll keep my toes warm"
"Thank you Eli for the Q-tips, They will keep my ears clean"
"Thank you Jaelin for this used napkin.  I'll be able to fill up my recycling bin"

As you can see, it can get quite silly.  But I also think it's teaching the art of saying "Thank you." That's gonna come in handy with some of our relatives ;)

5.  Plan fun activities for the month of December.  Celebrate the whole season by honoring traditions or starting your own traditions.  Take the girls to see the nutcracker ballet.   Go to the symphony of lights or drive around the neighborhood looking for homemade Christmas lights.  Bake and decorate cookies. Make presents for your teachers/neighbors/friends.  Host a favorite things party.  The holiday season is great time to do some random acts of kindness.   When my kids look back at Christmas, I want them to have lots of memories, not just of opening gifts on Christmas morning.

6.  Don't forget that Jesus is the reason for the season.  The whole reason that Christians celebrate Christmas is because it gives us a chance to remember Christ's birth.  Be purposeful in teaching your children this, because the commercials on TV tell them something else.  Make it a point to read the Christmas story, watch the Christmas story, act the Christmas story and remember the Christmas story throughout the month.


With the invention of the internet (Thank you Al Gore!), I'm almost done my Christmas shopping before December 1st.  I'm awesome, cause I did most of it my pajamas.  Now I can focus on the fun part of Christmas.  YAY!!!    Maybe you have more ideas on how to really celebrate this month?  Please share!!!

A good life

Kumar's aunt in India passed away two days ago.  His father's comment was "She lived a good life."  I first thought "What a trite comment."  This woman was married at 19 and widowed by 24.  Is that a good life?  But then I got to thinking, maybe it was.  I didn't know her or her family. There is so much that goes into a life.  Maybe she was unhappy in her marriage or maybe she was happy in her marriage and never got to the unhappy part. (For you single people, marriage is hard, and there ARE unhappy days in every marriage).   Is being unmarried or widowed automatically "a bad life"?   I doubt it.  She loved her kids and her extended family and they loved her.  Kumar and his sister met her for the first time during their trip last year.  They loved her from that brief meeting.  I think she lived a good life.

And the winner is....

There's a lot of pageant hoopla right now with Allyn Rose, from Washington DC planning on a mastectomy after her performance (appearance?) in the Miss USA pageant.  I totally believe in her right to take preventative measures to secure her health, but I'm sad that she had to be a six foot tall, spray tanned,  blond bombshell to get heard.

It got me thinking about watching pageants when I was little.  When Miss USA or Miss Universe came on, I'd be so excited, with a little notebook and pen so I could keep score myself.  Who has the best hair, dress, swimsuit?  Is someone gonna trip?  Does the contestant from India have a chance?

Now as a mature woman, and a self-proclaimed feminist, I am appalled that I was allowed to watch that stuff.  I'm surprised that in 2012, women still dress up in bikinis, and sequins, with hair extensions and double-sided tape, to be JUDGED and SCORED by others!  I know I know, its to earn "scholarships."  But why are women earning scholarships for their looks?  The pageants don't even fake what's important.  Looks and poise gets you to the finals; the world peace question is only asked to the beautiful, photogenic statuesque finalists.  And they only get 30 seconds to answer.  Would men ever participate in these endeavors?  No, they compete for scholarships by bashing each others heads on the field while playing football.  Oh, that's another blog.

I know some of you pageant queens are going to be salty (angry) about my rant, but let me tell you that I love all of you pageant princesses, with or without your crowns.  You don't need to parade around in your best outfit to be loved and respected by others.

As a grown up, I can now watch these shows and know that the pageant ideal is not "normal" or even really "ideal." Hey, I may even flip channels to the Miss USA show.  But what would I be teaching my children if I allowed them to watch? I suspect that its just as detrimental to their mental and social well being as it is to watch graphic sex or violence on TV.  Kids get much more information that we know.  And they often interpret it in the wrong way.  Girls who are watching pageants or participating in pageants from ages 3 on up....what damage is that doing?  I came across a list of such damages online - obsessive competitiveness,  sexualization of young girls, and stunted growth (from too much hairspray).  I could go one and on, especially after watching 15 minutes of Honey Boo Boo on TLC ( a truly disturbing show).

Please think about what you let your kids watch and listen to. I know it's hard, I don't always do a good job of it.  But we can't just think about the obvious evils (sex, violence, language), but we should also we aware of the embedded messages in the shows that our kids watch.  All these images and experiences are molding our kids into the adults that they will one day be.
 

What the &#^$#*&$(#

Cursing.  Cussing...whatever you call it, its everywhere.  On TV, in books, on the street. 
Everyone is cursing.  I'm cursing.  I had a clean mouth for a long time when I first had the kids, but lately I've been slipping off the bandwagon.  Maybe it's because I've been angry lately. (Angry pastors wife ;)  But I'm not just cursing at big things, I curse at little things too...a stubbed toe, stepping on a lego, jackets left on the floor.  Maybe I should just clean up around here. 

Don't worry, I almost never curse in writing, but there is something about the sound and feeling of those terrible words that just feel good coming out of my mouth. I know its wrong, and I usually feel guilty afterwards.  But those combinations of affricates and plosive sounds are soo sweet! (That's my nerdy SLP side coming out).  There's gotta be some sort of research about this.
It's a release of energy and those sound combinations just hit a nerve or release seratonin or something.   

But I am a pastor's wife, who is only sometimes angry. And more importantly, I'm a believer in the Bible.  This week in Adventurers we are studying the third commandment.  "Do not take the Lord's Name in Vain."  I'm the Adventurers Director.  I'm a Christian.  I've got to stop.  How can I curb my want/need to curse? 

Here's my plan.  It's my pre-Christmas "Lenten" plan.  From now until Christmas no cursing.  Instead,  I found a list of great "alternative" swear words.
I hope they feel as good coming out.   I'll let you know.....

Pastor Appreciation Month!

Did you know that October was National Clergy Appreciation Month? You should - well, maybe not, it's also National Breast Cancer Awareness month, National Physical Therapy Month, National Family Sexuality Education Month, Filipino American History Month and a load of other stuff. 

But in honor of this important month that is now over, I've decided to write about my favorite things about being a pastor's wife. I'm not always angry you know (I'm only sometimes angry, usually before I've had my morning coffee), and there are some perks!
So here's my Pastor's Appreciation Top 10: 

10.  Awesome PARKING SPOT and the FIRST LADY SEAT.  I've heard that some churches have a special parking spot for their senior pastor by the door.  And they save the first seat of the first row for the "first lady"-  the pastor's wife.   We're not one of those churches but I usually get a great spot for my car and my bum because I'm at church early.  I do wonder if I'm ever a first lady, can I wear a really big hat? That would be cool.

9.  ACCESS TO THE CHURCH AT ANY TIME.  Sometimes I leave stuff at church - on a nice day, it's my coat or sunglasses; sometimes it's one of my kids' Bibles.  And when I forget, I can come by and get it at any time, because I have the church key on my keychain.  Yes!

8.  FOOD - This morning, I actually had a church member bring over a freshly baked pumpkin pie, made with pumpkins that he grew himself!!!  Score!  This is just the tip of the iceberg folks.  We get freshly baked cookies, bread, biscuits and gravy, tomatoes and apples just off the vine/tree, etc.. And they wonder why so many ministers have diabetes.  I'm not complaining, please keep the food coming!

7.  SKILLS - My husband may be very intelligent, well read and well spoken, but he is not good with his hands.  I put together the IKEA furniture in our house.  My dad comes over and fixes the garbage disposal.  We pay people to do a whole lot of odd jobs in our home; but there are some good samaritans who come over and help Kumar for free.  They help him change the ceiling fan/light fixtures, install pergo floors, set up the printer, put the training wheels on Wilo's bike.  These things do not come easy to us, so we greatly appreciate the gift of time and skilled labor that our friends and parishioners bestow on us.

Not only did some church members' bring us this bouquet of Hydrangea, they started a cutting for me, so maybe (MAYBE) I'll have a plant to show for it next year.

6.  COMPLAINTS - When I have a complaint about the heat, volume or length of a sermon, I feel like it gets heard.  Kumar may just be nodding his head absentmindedly, but I feel like he could/would get up and change the thermostat for me.  Or maybe I just know who to really ask (Collier). 

5.  SHOWERS - The minister's kids are the church's kids.  Never did I feel this more, than when I had Jaelin, my first daughter.  We moved from California to Maryland while I was pregnant, so we had baby showers at both churches, in addition to baby showers at both schools that I worked at, plus baby showers thrown by family and friends, and various baby gifts dropped off at the hospital and our home (some at 8am, sabbath morning-don't do that).  We have enough praying angel stuffed animals, kids Bibles and devotional books, and blankets for a family of 10! People are so generous when you are having a baby - I think that's why we had Wilo! (Just kidding, sorta).

4.  VACATIONS - We may not have tons of money to go on international vacations, but where-ever we can drive to, we have a place to stay.  Many of our well to do friends live in spacious digs in awesome places (Wooster B&B), own timeshares, condos or vacation homes that they invite us to.  So we go.  As long as they aren't talking church politics, we relax and enjoy their generosity.  Kumar also occasionally gets some pretty sweet speaking gigs, that allow for me to do some sightseeing and eating across the country (Vancouver, NYC, Miami, food trucks!).  Vacation to me is all about the food, and the people I share it with of course!

Best meal ever at Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill in Vegas

Best view ever at Whistler, where Kumar spoke at BC Campmeeting this summer

3. FLEX SCHEDULE - This one is a biggie.  No,  Kumar does not only work from 8-12 on sabbath morning.  But Kumar's flexible schedule has been a real blessing while we've had babies and preschoolers in the house.  I was in a lot of childcare at a young age, and although nothing really bad happened there, I didn't enjoy it.  So when I had kids,  I hoped and prayed that I wouldn't have to drag my kids around to continue working part-time.  All the problems that come with being a working mom- packing up their stuff (The bottle is in the fridge), forgotten homework (Call your dad), snow days (Aha- I'm a teacher), sick kids (good luck Kumar!), I've mostly avoided because of Kumar's flexible schedule and our parents' wonderful capacity to help out.

I've enjoyed working motherhood because of Kumar's flexibility

2.  FRIENDS - Kumar is really good at making friends.  I'm really good at keeping them.  I'm lucky to have a ginormous group of great friends; and I keep meeting and making more friends outside of my usual frame of reference (mother's room) because of Kumar's job and personality.  Sure, they know him as their pastor, but it's nice to not be lonely on a Saturday night.

1.  I actually miscalculated and only listed 9 things, so I'm gonna make one up on the fly - LOVING YOUR JOB.  Kumar sure does complain a lot, but in the end, being a pastor was what he was made to do.  I knew that when I married him.   His parents dedicated him to ministry as a baby, and as much as he hates board meetings and finance meetings, and meeting with the cleaning company, he LOVES Bible studies with people who are just getting to know Jesus.  When you love your job, it means everything!